Dangerous Championship Wrestling League: September 2009

[Outside Calgary’s Roundup Center…]

[The sun is setting over the city to the west. The air is warm. In the parking lot is a DCWL ring, fenced off in a wide circumference, a couple of hundred fans crowded around. In the ring itself is the suave and unforgettable Referee #4. On one side of him is the chunky, underdressed and kinda gross Porno Anderson. On the other: the near 7’ asthmatic “My Little Pony” fan. The tension mounts…]

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER - Paul Doom (Assorted Plunder, 14:38)

[Paul Doom’s hand is raised before he Doom Flops to the canvas. The camera pans over to find a man with long curly hair and a thick scraggly beard. He has a headset microphone and addresses the crowd.]

HOLLYWOOD PANZEROTTI: Well, monkey humpers… ya got your freakin’ Plunder!

[FACE POP!]

HP: This is the Dangerous Championship Wrestling League…

[He turns to face the camera filming him.]

HP: And this… is PLUNDERLAND OH-NINE!

[As the crowd cheers in approval and begins filing back toward the entrance of the venue, cut to the show open.]

[Cut directly to the interior of the Roundup Center in Calgary. There are substantially more fans than at previous shows. In the center of the ring stands DCWL Commissioner, all 5’ 3” of him, Kyle Hayden. Hayden looks very much the part of a Hollywood Liberal. He is casually dressed, in an off-the rack sportcoat over a black “Ramones” t-shirt.]

HAYDEN: Welcome, DCWL fans… To the return of the Supercard Extravaganza. And welcome to Plunderland ’09: Plunder Harder.

[The 1,500 or so in attendance let out a mighty cheer.]

HAYDEN: And tonight is dedicated to those who thought the relaunch of the DCWL was going to fail.

[The crowd boos slightly. Hayden pauses and looks directly at the camera on the apron.]

HAYDEN: Faith manages.

[He turns back to addressing the crowd.]

HAYDEN: And that reminds me: ladies and gentlemen, introducing for the first time in almost a year, the former DCWL Commissioner—

[The audience is begun pre-emptively booing.]

HAYDEN: …From Shootfire Pro Wrestling… HENRY… SPIKES!!!

[Screamin Bill's phenomenal Jazz Version of the Star Spangled Banner begins to play out as the lights go low across the frenzied arena! Red, white and blue lights flash in time as the voice of James Hetfield roars into the arena!]

"DON'T TREAD ON ME!

DON'T TREAD ON ME!!"

[As Metallica's "Don't Tread On Me" continues, a tall, somewhat large man strides onto the entranceway. The crowd jeers out at the sight of the former DCWL Commissioner! Wearing a three piece navy suit, a red, white and blue tie, navy khakis and shiny polished wingtips, looking ever the statesman with bright blue eyes and a black goatee, he casts a brief smirk at the crowd before heading straight for the ring.]

"Liberty or death

What we so proudly hail

Once you provoke her

Rattling of her tail

Never begins it

Never but once engaged

Never surrenders

Showing the fangs of rage!

Don't tread on me!"

[Henry Spikes politely (but briefly) acknowledges the booing DCWL-ites, the invective bouncing off of him. He marches down the ramp with confidence. As he walks he absentmindedly tries to slap hands with fans (who do not return the favor). Henry distractedly thanks them for coming, pointing and waving vaguely to the fans he can't reach. The fans he can't reach just hurl epithets back at him. Henry arrives at the ring steps and marches to the apron, walking along across the apron as he looks out across the crowd. With a salute, he dusts his shoes off and kicks a leg up to step inside before strolling across the charcoal and dark teal canvas to stare downn at the DCWL Logo in the center of the ring.]

RM: Does he seem a bit...off to you?

CC: Not really greeting our fans with much enthusiasm.

RM: It looks like he's on autopilot here.

"So be it threaten no more

To secure peace is

To prepare for war so be it

Settle the score

Touch me again for the words

That you will hear evermore

Don't tread on me!"

[As Spikes steps into the ring, the music abruptly cuts out.]

CC: Well, I see Henry Spikes is picking up where he left off in the DCWL.

RM: You can cut the tension between these two with a knife. Long-time DCWL fans will remember that Kyle Hayden, under the persona of Ratt Klyczofvski, was Henry Spikes deputy.

CC: Yeah, until Ratt revealed that he pretty much ran the DCWL from behind the scenes as Kyle Hayden.

[Spikes towers over Hayden. The two have not shaken hands, nor exchanged any pleasantries whatsoever. Henry Spikes calls for a microphone of his own, but when he just about speaks the crowd begins chanting at him.

“YOU GOT FI-RED!” *clap* *clap* *clap clap clap*

“YOU GOT FIR-ED!” *clap* *clap* *clap clap clap*

RM: News travels fast. Of course at Shootfire Pro’s Pay-Per-View Iconoclasm, Henry Spikes was… removed as general manager of SPW Conquest.

CC: Yeah, I’m guessing he was here to tell off Hayden for bringing in JDM Superstar, but things kind of went sideways on him.

SPIKES: Ladies and gentlemen...

[The crowd chants even louder, forcing Spikes to take the microphone away from his lips.]

“YOU GOT FI-RED!” *clap* *clap* *clap clap clap*

[Spikes looks unenthused. He speaks into the mic and pushes through. When he does, he addresses the crowd, almost ignoring Hayden in the ring.]

SPIKES: Ladies and gentlemen of the DCWL, like the great General Douglas MacArthur before me...I have returned.

"BOOOOOOOOOOO!"

SPIKES: It's been a year since I've graced this league with my presence. It was in Houston, Texas, and it was where I watched the great Demented Creations Wrestling League die.

[Spikes straightens his tie to more hostility from the crowd.]

SPIKES: That DCWL was adored by fans, respected by competitors, and feared by competition. It was home to household names like the trailblazing Ms. Tawny Blake...

[Big face pop!]

SPIKES: ...the charismatic Mr. Skye Ashner...

[Equally big face pop!

SPIKES: ...and of course my pick for greatest champion in DCWL history, the great Mr. Jackson Hunter.

[Half-booing, half-cheering face pop. Hayden scowls and shifts slightly in the background.]

SPIKES: Now what these three have in common, aside from being surefire Hall of Famers, is that each of them, no more than 16 months ago, was an intregal part of a booming DCWL. Yet, here we are, in the shadow of where Cornerstone Revolution II took place, starting right from scratch.

[Spikes shrugs. His voice sounds agitated.]

SPIKES: Why? The DCWL was one of the all time greats. Key word, Mister Hayden, being WAS. It WAS until you decided that management wasn't doing its job. It WAS until you interfered. You drove Mr. Hunter to the surgeon's table, never to be the same again. You drove Mr. Ashner into retirement. You drove this COMPANY, that I took into it's final boom, into the ground!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

SPIKES: And now look at you. You've brought the DCWL back, for what? You've brought the Grand back, for what? To be held by some eighteen year old kid who's a feel good story and not much else? Or for a man so morally backward even LIBERALS won't accept him?! The whole thing is so ridiculous that you should just put the Hawaiian shirt back on to complete the picture.

[A stray piece of trash flies into the ring. Spikes seems unaware as he rants.]

SPIKES: Mister Hayden, you bring that belt, this company, back from the dead because your ego can't handle that YOU killed the DCWL in the first place.

HAYDEN: [interrupting] Ya know what, Henry, I’m going to stop you right there.

RM: Looks like what Henry Spikes has been saying is hitting a little too close to home for Kyle Hayden.

HAYDEN: I want to tell you a little something about me and the DCWL. You see, I got into this business because I loved it. Not because it was the only thing that would take me. I’m here, because I *want* to be here. And if it meant dressing up like an oversexed clown, then yeah, I’d do that for the sake of business! I played comedy relief to overblown assholes like Jackson Hunter, Guido the Great, The Vindicator… right up to you, Henry. And why? Because deep down I knew I wasn’t the reason these letters—

[He points down to the logo on the canvas.]

HAYDEN: --are where they are. I knew I wasn’t the star of the show, Henry. Sure, I had ambitions. Sure, I stabbed a few backs, Henry. But when the time came to close up shop, I knew I owed it to these people to bring the DCWL back again in whatever form it may be. This is *my* money paying for this venture, Henry. Make no mistake, I am losing money on the DCWL, but dammit, I’m giving back. I don’t care if there’s two thousand people out there, or if I have to put on a show on a regular basis for the same six or seven people. I do it because I love it, Henry. The DCWL is not for me, it’s for Horrorshow and Unique Element. It’s for those two fighting for the Grand Championship. It’s for Max Turbo. It’s for Leon Corella and Alton West and Mike Anderson. It’s for those two people out there that were just spilling their blood in the parking lot just a few minutes ago. Dammit Henry, it’s even for Derrick Ford! Now, if you want to sanction me, or criticize me for actually giving a rat’s ass about this business, then you better damn sure do it now. And let’s not forget, HENRY, that if it weren’t for the DCWL, the management of Shootfire Pro Wrestling would have taken a glance at your resume and tossed it straight into the recycling bin!

[The crowd pops huge. Spikes just scowls down at Hayden.]

HAYDEN: So, if you have something to say to the DCWL, maybe you should get someone who actually WORKS for Shootfire up here to say it.

[He steps through the ropes and manages one last parting shot before returning the microphone to ring announcer Buckley Luck.]

HAYDEN: Now if you’ll excuse me, we actually have a show to run here.

[Commissioner Hayden hands the microphone off and begins walking up the aisle. For the first time, Spikes breaks into his wide, slimy (yet sinister) grin.]

SPIKES: Now really, Mister Hayden, do you honestly think I'd be here if I were not in Shootfire's employ?

[Hayden stops halfway up the ramp, turning to face his former boss. The crowd buzzes.]

RM: But he was fired!

SPIKES: Oh sure, I've been replaced as General Manager, but my contract was NEVER terminated. And the good Kieran Rae has seen fit to bestow upon me a new position to keep me in the fold...AMBASSADOR TO THE DCWL!

RM: WHAT?!

CC: No way!

[The crowd is in an angry state of shock. Hayden goes into Axl Rose-levels of enranged conniptions.]

SPIKES: As the OFFICIAL Shootfire representative, you can be sure that I will be keeping close tabs on what goes on here. And while you may have entered a back-handed deal to impinge on my glory, while you may have done your deal with the devil to get JDM Superstar to grace this league, know that your sins will not go unpunished. Shootfire's coming, Mister Hayden, and we're bringing hell with us.

["Don't Tread on Me" kicks in as Spikes grins wickedly at Kyle Hayden.]

[Cut abruptly backstage. It’s one of those corridors that are so popular with backstage segments these days. No one is yet visible. A female voice with a deadpan Liverpudlian accent speaks.]

FEMALE VOICE: Hold on, hold on. What makes you think I want to be part of the DCWL, anyway? I mean, talk about assuming, right, and making assumptions…

[Another voice, this one male…]

MALE VOICE: Spaghetti.

[Yes, coming around the corner are the DCWL Trios Champions, the Annoyed Samoans, dressed in their ring gear as always. Joining them the owner of the female voice; she looks much the same as her male counterparts: tribal face tattoos, tights half-way down the calf, shell necklace, a little thick around the middle. Thankfully she has a halter top on. This is Gabrielle RioPaah]

MOSES: Look, Gabby: part of us dispelling myths about Samoan wrestlers involves gender roles. I mean most people see Samoan wrestlers as being the “ooga booga, kill the tourists, enslave the women” types.

[She snorts.]

GABRIELLE: Yeh. Imprison me on a five hour flight here with no satellite TV or dinner cart. Talk about slavery, eh?

OZZIE: Tuesday.

OFFRAMP: Oh, come on, you were already in the DCWL with Alton West and Mario Speedwagon. Besides, I could use some support if Gabe Lindsay’s buddies run in during my match tonight.

[She sighs.]

GABRIELLE: Oh, all right. I’ll take part in this meaningless charade. So long as the camera doesn’t linger longingly on my firm bosom.

[Offramp and Moses both snicker silently behind her back.]

[Cut back to the arena and Rich Manning and Christian Chazz. Manning has decided to break out the old tuxedo for the occasion, and Christian Chazz is dressed in a collarless suit like a Beatle (or Blofeld).]

RM: Well, DCWL fans, yes, there is turmoil in the DCWL, but we’re going to soldier on with our first Supercard since the DCWL re-launch. And Chazz, the Devil’s Death Haunted Hell match and the appointment of Henry Spikes as an ambassador from Shootfire Pro Wrestling was just the beginning.

CC: No question. Tonight, the promotion gets a new champion. The Grand Championship has been sitting idle for the last year and tonight, Maurice “The Native” Thompson battles it out with “Bane,” Julian Beckson. Beckson wants to prove a point for all his Stormfront pals, and hey, our next show is “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank” in Bismarck, North Dakota. You think “The Native” wants to roll into his home town with Grand Championship much?

RM: Tonight also sees the debut of a new trio in the DCWL, Horrorshow. Wolf Masterson is already a familiar face to DCWL fans, and Joe Pansac is from the old school DCWL. Mina Eyre is just debuting tonight, and this is the first time we’re seeing Blackstock and Quinney as a trio for hire, when they team up with B.A. Jive. Blaze Crimson caught up with B.A. Jive earlier tonight.

[Cut to Blaze Crimson, long-time DCWL personality standing beside B.A. Jive in his street clothes: polo and khakis. An afro pick is just barely visible above his right ear.]

BC: B.A. Jive, tonight you team up with Complete Control to challenge Horrorshow. Why did you petition to join Blackstock and Quinney?

JIVE: Well, Blaze, it’s real simple. See, the only reason Joe Pansac even has a job right now is that he was part of Brains’n’Chains Express with me; a team that I carried while he wandered around covering himself with flour and saying he was a zombie while I was out whuppin’ every team we ever faced on my own. So when Joe’s turkey ass comes crawling back to the DCWL saying, “oh, please give me a job, I’ll put together a trio, anything you want,” it just makes me wanna slap in the face so bad. So we got his dead carcass wandering out to the ring, and we got that skinny turkey-neck Wolf Masterson who I said I would snap in half and I stand by that. And Mina Eye-er, I will not hesitate to lump you in with those two, so what I suggest is you untie those wrestling boots and slip on some high heels because I always keep a bottle of the finest champagne waiting for a cookie like you. I will whup your fannies real good and let Complete Control pick your bones. But that’s what I think of Horrorshow, Blaze.

[Fade in to a black backdrop, where we see the newest Trio team primed and ready for action. To the right, wearing a wide smile to go with a black sleeveless dress is Mina "The Vamp" Eyre. To the left, smirking through a popped denim jacket collar and aviator shades, "Something Better" Wolf Masterson. In the middle, in a grey flannel shirt and an expression hidden by scraggly brown hair, is the Deadman, Joe Pansac.]

PANSAC: To the DCWL Trios Division...

[A wide, disturbing smile. We see a tooth or two missing.]

PANSAC: Welcome.

WOLF: Those screams you hear

Those moaning wails

Not caused by wolf

in old wives tales

EYRE: The blood you see

From victims drip

Does not come

From vamp's wet lip

WOLF: It's in the ring

That you will find

Unholy terrors

Three of a kind

EYRE: No bloodsucker

Am I, no doubt

But just the same

You'll bleed right out

WOLF: And I of course

Am no Wolfman

But I'll atttack

You all I can

EYRE: Complete Control

WOLF: Your time is through

When we unleash

EYRE: Our Horror on you.

PANSAC: And Jive my friend

I'll regret so

Destroying

That sweet Afro

Yet destroy I will

I'll bring the pain

I'll bring so much

You'll go insane

The Deadman comes

With Wolf and Eyre

You'll know our threats

Are no mere scare

The screams will ring

The blood will flow

Welcome, all, to the

Horrorshow.

[All three smile as we cut to the ring.]

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER - Horrorshow (countout, 14:30)

[Jive rolls back into the ring, but Mina Eyre drops down to the floor and tosses the barbed wire bat up to Joe Pansac. Pansac flails it above his head wildly and Jive and his Complete Control team mates beat a hasty retreat. Masterson, Eyre and Pansac all stand in the ring triumphant.]

RM: A countout victory, but the trio of Horrorshow make a statement here tonight!

CC: Yeah, they killed it in that match! If I’m Unique Element or the Annoyed Samoans, I’m looking over my shoulder.

RM: Certainly the DCWL is experiencing an influx of talent; we have *another* debut coming up right away… Dan Clear, tell us more about Caleb Brantseg.

[Cut to Dan Clear, looking his smarmy best in front of the DCWL backdrop.]

DC: Thanks, Rick. Caleb Brantseg may only be 6’ tall, but at a hefty 278 pounds, he promises to be a destructive force in the Dangerous Creations Wrestling League. Back to you, Rick and Chazz.

RM: [voice over] That’s it?

DC: Yes, Rick, I can hear you.

RM: [voice over] Not to be too picky, but we’d really like to know more about Brantseg.

CC: [voice over] Yeah, I mean, let’s talk finishers, eh? How about wrestling style? Who did he train with?

DC: Well, Chazz, he didn’t train with anyone. He’s that big and powerful from a life of manual labour and perfect genetics. He is the son of—

CC: [voice over] Look, I don’t want to be a jackass about this, but you can’t just rely on a gimmick. I mean, look at Julian Beckson, or Leon Corella, or hell, Max Turbo for that matter. I mean, you can’t just send some lug out there and hope he wrestles good. He’s gotta have some personality.

DC: Don’t be glib about this, Chazz. HE’S THE SON OF THE CHURCH OF WHATEVER FROM SOME SCHMUCK TOWN IN MONTANA AND THAT’S WHAT COUNTS!

[Clear storms off. Cut back to the announce table. Chazz is looking quite stern. Rich Manning glares at him accusingly.]

RM: Now, you’ve done it. You’ve broken him.

CC: I’m just asking questions, that’s all I’m doing.

RM: Well, let’s move on to some hopefully less awkward territory. Blaze, we understand you caught up with Brantseg’s opponent Brian Irwin.

[Cut to Blaze Crimson again. She is standing beside a visibly agitated Brian Irwin, still dressed in warm-up gear.]

BC: That’s right, Rich, but we’ve just heard some startling news back here.

BRIAN IRWIN: Oi, a least pick up the phone and give me a call, wankers!

BC: Mr. Irwin, if you could please repeat what you just told us.

BI: Oh, yeah. Turns out I don’t have no match any more. When I get here some yob tells me my bleeding paperwork hasn’t gone through and they “found another opponent for Caleb Brantseg, Mr. Irwin.”

BC: So what did they tell you? What happened?

BI: They gave me some rubbish about me not filling out the contract properly, right? And now they’ve gone and given my spot to this Anderson kid. Can’t believe they’d do that to me. Cannot believe that.

[He storms off abruptly.]

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER – Mike Anderson (Memphis Classic, 6:33)

CC: SIX AND HALF MINUTES? He just needed six and a half minutes to demolish that lug?!

RM: One thing I was not expecting going in to tonight was a double debut match, much less one where one party dominated the other!

CC: Seriously, no one can just dominate another athlete like that unless they have mad skills.

RM: And here comes Dan Clear…

[Dan Clear, hair significantly less tidy, charges down the aisle past Mike Anderson and begins yelling and screaming at Brantseg.]

CC: You know, I kind of get the feeling Caleb Brantseg really isn’t this omnicidal messiah figure that Dan Clear hyped him up to be.

RM: [deadpan] Brilliant, Holmes.

[Anderson remains behind in the ring, hardly having broken a sweat. He calls for the microphone from Buckley Luck. Anderson rubs at his chin and scans the crowd as he slowly brings the mic up to his lips.]

MIKE ANDERSON: I don’t want to wake you from your coma of boredom here tonight, so I will keep it brief.

RM: ‘Coma of boredom’, does he know what federation he is in?

CC: Shouldn’t this guy be in New York selling stocks or something? I don’t appreciate somebody coming in here and bad mouthing DCWL.

RM: What do you care? You just started as color commentary a few months ago.

CC: See? I've got seniority on him.

CA: I came out here tonight to lay down a challenge [smirks] if you want to call it that. I happened to catch last weeks show. Even though as painful as it was to watch, I managed to get through it.

[The crowd shows its disdain for the newcomer as boos rain down. Anderson doesn’t seem to notice as he starts to walk back and fourth while continuing.]

CA: You can boo all you want people, but facts are facts. When you are used to watching mediocre, then you learn to accept it. When you are used to watching half wit talent [motions at ring] in that ring, then you accept it. For far to long you people have been duped into believing that this is the best wrestling has to offer. When in fact the truth is…

[smirks]

MA: That was the best DCWL had to offer, till Mike Anderson signed on the dotted line.

RM: Who does this guy think he is?! Coming in here, yet to step foot in a DCWL ring and has bad mouthed every one we have on the roster we have in one sentence!

CC: I disagree, he's got mad skills, and I like a guy with some swagger

[Pan back to the entranceway where Anderson continues.]

MA: I’m not going to beat around the bush and play games. I came out here tonight to challenge Max Turbo.

[The crowd cheers at the mention of Max Turbo! Anderson shrugs and shakes his head in disgust.]

RM: Who does this jerk think he is? You can’t just walk in here and challenge for the Dangerous Championship!

CC: Well he did and he is! The more the merrier, I say.

[Anderson waits for the crowd to settle down, and then continues.]

MA: Nothing personal Max, [chuckles] that’s a lie. This is personal Max. You see nothing gets on my nerves more then a guy who cannot wrestle. But you also broke my other rule Max. And that rule is I really hate a guy who cannot wrestle and walks around with a ridiculous 80’s name to boot. I consider it a slap in the face to the whole industry. How you even wear a title is a wonder to the World. But what makes me want to vomit the most Max, is you think this is some kind of joke. This isn’t some sort of Saturday morning cartoon Max. This isn’t a game to me. This is business. This is what I do. I beat people Max. I dominate and I destroy. I put gold titles around this waist, money in my pockets and my name in the history books as the best ever.

[Anderson spits.]

MA: So I’m calling you out funny man. I don’t even care if you put that title on the line because if somebody like you is wearing it [shrugs in disgust] then it isn’t worth much to begin with. So I challenge you Max Turbo. Prove to these people you’re more then a side show circus act. Prove to these people you are a champion. But more importantly than that Max…

[smirks into the camera]

PROVE ME WRONG!

[Superstar II’ blares again as Anderson scans the crowd again. He slowly walks backwards, then turns and exits.]

CC: Mike Anderson not waiting for anything! Challenging Max Turbo to a match!

RM: More then that he challenges Max Turbo to prove him wrong! So far he's proved he's more than just a side show circus act. I can tell you Max Turbo IS more then a side show and Max Anderson might have to find out the hard way!

CC: I don’t know, that Lio Kiazer has deadly magical powers…

RM: It’s a night of firsts already at Plunderland ’09, and here’s another: the DCWL’s first match in the Sirens division. We already saw a bit of one of the competitors when Gabrielle RioPaah made her return to the DCWL to align with The Annoyed Samoans. Chazz, what do you know about her opponent, Molly Molotov?

CC: Well, she actually has a background on the underground roller derby circuit and she’s doing quite well for herself, and she’s a quick study, so she’s picked up the pro game quite well. But the impression of her that I’ve heard is that she’s watched a few too many “Looney Tunes” in her time and she’s kind of into the whole cartoon violence thing.

RM: It’s the opening of a new division in the DCWL. Let’s take you down to the ring and Buckley Luck.

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER – Molly Molotov (countout, 5:25)

CC: Another countout? Criminy…

RM: Well, while it lasted there was some solid action in the ring—wha? Who is *that*?

[Gabrielle RioPaah is nonchalantly making her way up the aisle, not really bothered by the match result. But in the ring, behind Molly Molotov, another woman has appeared. Lean and athletic, with rich ebony skin. Some of the fans cheer in recognition. Molotov turns around…]

RM: Superkick to Molly Molotov from this mystery woman!

CC: It’s true! She’s signed with the DCWL! She’s here!

RM: Is that?

[The woman folds her arms and looks out at the crowd, quite satisfied.]

RM: It’s Sierra Browne! Sierra Browne has signed with the DCWL! She’s a huge name in women’s wrestling!

CC: Smile when you say it, Rich. Browne’s got to be one of the best female wrestlers EVER.

RM: Fans, we’ve surprise after surprise tonight, and we’ve still got the Grand Championship, Dangerous Championship, and the long awaited showdown between Kevin Alloy and Derrick Ford to come!

[Cut backstage, where Dan Clear is walking with Caleb Brantseg. Clear is ranting angrily, while Brantseg just listens, a guilty look on his face.]

CLEAR: …Over 8000 dollars on production values alone! Do you have ANY idea what this is going to do to my reputation? What am I going to tell the people who were going to come in and play the ranchers from that schmuck town? Don’t you have ANYTHING to say for yourself?!

[Caleb Brantseg finally pipes up, sheepishly.]

BRANTSEG: Sorry, Uncle Dan.

[The camera begins to jostle. There’s a commotion heard down the hall.]

CLEAR: Why if it weren’t for my sister, I’d—

[From the same direction as the commotion there is a very loud crashing noise followed immediately by a blood curdling man’s scream and a dull *thunk*. The camera crew whirls around and runs down the hallway. A figure disappears around the corner in the distance. Around the corner the crew finds DCWL Deputy Commissioner Kevin Alloy knocked out, face first on the floor. His right hand is underneath an overturned anvil case.]

VOICE: [off-camera] Oh my god—somebody get a doctor!

[Cue Silversun Pickups: "Panic Switch"]

[Cut to Heather Owens flying at Jessica Marsh, slamming the uppercut right into the jaw! Jessica Marsh hitting the high angle powerbomb on Heather, bouncing her on her neck and then stepping through to take up the legs, turning it right into a boston crab. Cut to Heather Owens jumping over Jessica to fly at the second rope, springing back in a picture perfect moonsault to land the legdrop down across Marsh and secure the One, Two, Three!]

[Cut to Joshua North locking horns with Bryan Vincent, as Vincent turns the arm over and strikes North as hard as he can! The Darkman playing to the crowd, taunting as he points out across San Diego. Bryan taking North over and hooking him for the pin, unable to get it and as he yells at the Referee, North taking him over with a surprise rollup for the win!! Vincent leaping to smash North with the Quickstryke following the bell!!]

[Erica Toughill running over both Nikki James and Nina Larue with the double clothesline! Cut to Nikki reversing a Samoan Drop into a Crucifix Pin and almost getting the fall over Toughill. Erica with a hairpull hangman's neckbreaker on Nikki James! And then Nina Larue hitting the sleeperhold drop on James right into Erica, securing Toughill's shoulders to the mat for the three!]

[Cut to Scott Starring brawling with James O'Connor during the intro! Starring nailing JOC with the short arm clothesline and hitting the Hammerlock legsweep DDT right into the floor of the San Diego Sports Arena! Cut to Starring telling off Toxic Shock and all of SPW before walking out of the arena!!]

[Fade to The Red Dragon battling it out with El Rey Futuro, Puro vs Lucha as Red Dragon nailing El Rey with the Tornado DDT! On the floor, El Rey sending Red Dragon right into the railing! Cut to Eddie Christian and Marissa Monet entering the ring, Eddie pretending to smash Dragon's knee out as Marissa locked on the Heel Hook, pretending to try and break Dragon's leg! Cut to the Invaders rushing out, believing that Dragon was seriously hurt as Jean Pierre takes out his frustration by cutting all ties with Andrew Davis!]

[Cut to the 8 Belt Tag Team Title Ladder Match as Shane Diamond hits the flying Suicide Dive into Colt Montana, Spooky Doom with a Tope Con Hilo onto Marcus O'Malley, Anthony O'Malley hitting a Springboard Shooting Star Press to the outside onto Owen Cage, and Kasady crashing with the somersault rope flip senton down into Steve Liermann!! Jasmine shoves the ladder over as Shane Diamond hangs from the hook. Liermann tries to rehang his title only to have Kasady beat him with his own belt, costing them the match! Cut to Spooky Doom's ladder being pushed over as he tries to superplex Diamond off the rungs, Shane hanging on as Doom hits the cables and flips to crash into the railings!Fade to Diamond falling as Team EGO try and catch him, all going down in a heap as Shane Diamond sits up the New World Tag Team Champions!]

[Van Wild stands on the stage, waving to the fans. AsH comes out of the back in his iCON T-Shirt, a huge smile on his face. "The Top Dog" Rick Styles with hands in pockets next. Luke Kinsey pointing out to the cheering fans. And Vile Vince Viper being carried out of the back on a golden throne by an army of midget slaves, all five legends being welcomed into SPW]

[AsH standing in the ring having a verbal mic battle with Darkside Clyde. Chance Fortuna on commentary as AsH lands Darkside with the full nelson buster A.K.A. The AsH Kisser!! Clyde able to get his foot under the ropes! AsH flying off the top to land the elbow from heaven! Cut to Rick Styles on the apron, distracting AsH long enough for Clyde to capitalize, catching a missile dropkick to toss the legs upside down, flipping AsH in midair! Dixon nailing AsH with the Midnight Special T-Bone DDT!!!]

[Cue Shinedown: "The Sound of Madness"]

[Cut to Entropy and Anarchy kneeling in the ring as "Jester" Chad Allen and Iris Galiver preside over the newest addition to their bizarre cult-like Family. JCA and Galiver done up in leather and pentagrams as the audience is booing them like crazy! Iris raising up her Rosie Doll head and petting it, looking like an extreme version of a horror fairy tale! The Family raising their arms to the fans!]

[Cut to Jasy O'Neil smashing light tube after light tube over a kneeling Orchid's head!! Orchid coming back with a suplex onto the floor of the Sports Arena! Jasy countering a light tube shot with a tilt-a-whirl slam once again to the concrete! Jasy diving off with a chair dive from the railing but Orchid able to move!! Cut to Orchid trying to get up, numerous pieces of glass in her head as both women are a bleeding mess, Jasy unable to compete any further due to massive blood loss, Orchid the winner of the Last Woman Standing match]

[Victor Frost rushing to throw the Black Mass Lariat but Quinn Scott leaping to send both knees right into Victor's face!! Frost hitting a snake eyes onto the exposed metal turnbuckle! Scott busting open Frost's nose with a series of kneestrikes to the face!! Victor attempting the Violator Super Samoan Drop but Quinn Scott rolling over his head to try and latch on the Forced Internal Decapitation, rolling his head forward and crushing it against his chest. Victor Frost lifting Scott who latches on to his jugular with the Tongan Death Grip, the Uncomfortably Numb- but Frost able to counter with the Dortmund Driver, powerslamming Quinn over right on the top of his head! Fade to Victor Frost standing in the center of the ring, raising up his Fusion Title high!]

[Kanye West playing out "Flashing Lights" as Andrew Davis makes his big arena entrance. Cut to Sammy Knight in the ring and socking Davis across the mouth!! Knight throwing Andrew down in the Blue Thunder Powerbomb! Cut to Andrew with the Davis Ex Machina on Sammy, twisting back on the leg as he sits down wrenching in the pain! Davis running the barricade to fly off with the clothesline! Knight diving over the top rope to take to the air and nail a monster Suicida!! Sammy missed a charge as Davis hits the flying hangman's neckbreaker! Cut to Sammy roaring out and both men leaping to hit an enzugiri at the same time, smashing each other's shins!! Fade to Sammy hefting Davis high for the Blood Drop, but Andrew countering to hit the falling Headshot and win the World Title for a record third time!!!]

[Cut to Poet Wright jumping Tiffany before the bell, right at the feet of guest timekeeper "Sensuous" Samantha Bevins!! Cut to Lane coming back in the ring, hitting a spinning fisherman's neckbreaker! Tiffany Lane kicking out of Poet Wright's Poetry Slam! Poet Wright hitting the German Suplex on Tiffany Lane, rolling it into the Half Nelson Suplex, and then trying for the Cattle Mutilation! Fade to Lane nailing the Northern Lights Bomb into the floor! Poet Wright grabbing Lane and taking her through the broadcast table with a belly to belly suplex!! Wright clutching her Women's World Championship!]

[Cut to Iris Galiver attacking Nina Larue, and as the Children of Anarchy hold Larue up, Jester Chad Allen preparing to make an example until Erica Toughill runs in to make the save!! Fade into the ring as Dave Pietka makes his official return to Shootfire Pro, inciting the Evil Voodoo Army to throw their chairs and rain steel down inside the Sports Arena!!!!]

[Cut to Spooky Doom, Sammy Knight, Eddie Christian, and Marissa Monet battling it out in the cage with Nathan Taylor, Jean Pierre Celine, "Wild" Bill Ian and The Red Dragon! Marissa ducking as Celine gets a faceful of blue mist from Dragon! Wild Bill smashing Monet across the head with the whiskey bottle! Nathan Taylor crashing into everyone using his body as a weapon! Sammy Knight with face bleeding, slamming into both Defiants taking them down with a double Shouldertackle!! Eddie Christian monkey flipping Jean Pierre Celine over to his feet out of the corner as Spooky Doom slugs the clothesline right into JPC!]

[Nathan Taylor hitting the Compactor on Marissa Monet, right into an open steel chair! Sammy Knight actually managing to suplex The Mastodon up, and land the Blood Drop! Cut to Doom and Knight fighting the Defiants until Spooky straightens up and punches Sammy down!! Spooky Doom revealing himself as Scott Starring! Starring leaping into the Shooting Star Press with mask on fire as a bloody James O'Connor rescues Sammy in the nick of time, Starring crashing through the table and the whiskey jug exploding glass and flame right into his face!! Cut to Red Dragon sailing through the air, crashing down into a chair wrapped around Nathan Taylor's head!!! Fade to the Shootfire Army standing victorious as they face down the disbanded Invaders, and the new GM... Steve Greedy!]

SPW ICONOCLASM - Order the replay, all this week.

[Cut immediately backstage to Blaze Crimson, standing in front of a DCWL backdrop.]

BC: Rich, Chazz, I’ll tell you what I know about what’s going on back here. DCWL Deputy Commissioner Kevin Alloy was apparently assaulted while preparing for his match against Derrick Ford. The Deputy Commissioner took a nasty spill, and someone upended an anvil case onto his hand. It took two people to lift the case off his hand, so whoever assaulted Kevin Alloy clearly wasn’t alone.

RM: [Voice over] Blaze, do we have any idea who did this?

BC: We can actually rule out Derrick Ford, because we know that he was in a different part of the Roundup Center at the time. He just found out now. Deputy Commissioner Alloy is disoriented and unable to answer any questions right now.

CC: [Voice over] So obviously the match between Ford and Alloy is off right now.

BC: Yes, but here’s the surprising news, guys. Kyle Hayden has made an executive decision and substituting for Kevin Alloy, will be JEFFREY DYLAN MARSH! JDM Superstar was backstage tonight at Kyle Hayden’s request and he’s been put into the match at the last minute.

[Cutting back to the announce table.]

RM: Thanks, Blaze. Well, we’ve had a night of surprises so far, haven’t we, Chazz?

CC: Yeah, forget Kevin Alloy, Ford gets to do what half of Shootfire Pro wants to and beat up JDM Superstar.

[Through those curtains stepped Leon Corella in full ring gear, Muse's House of the Rising Sun playing over the house PA. Behind him, he pulled a dolly with his taped hand, a burn barrel strapped securely upon it. Over his shoulder was a simple burlap sack, though one could make out the shape of a championship belt inside of it. In the hem of his trunks resides a microphone, indicating that he was in the mood to talk.]

[Arriving at ringside, he slings the bag under the ropes, and then lifts the dolly up and flings it into the ring. Dead center the barrel and dolly land with a loud bang that resounds over the crowd. He slips into the ropes, gathers up the bag, and stands the barrel and dolly up, then drops the bag and grabs his microphone.]

Corella- Well here I am... as promised. I may not have delivered on my promise to be involved in tonight's main event, but I fully intend to deliver on my promise to Alton West.

[He smiled as the crowd half popped at that, many of whom were annoyed with West and his persona in general.]

...Right now, Security has been tasked to find and bring him to ringside and forcing him to watch his precious little trash belt go up in flames, but in the meantime, I'd like to discuss the Qualifier at "Citation Needed."

[Corella began to circle the burn barrel, going corner to corner as he paced the ring, his eyes looking down upon the canvas.]

For the life of me, I don't know where exactly things turned sour. Sure, I was taking hits like a piñata at a birthday party, but by the end of the match...

[He stops, looking to the crowd as he leaned forward against the top ropes, a puzzled expression on his face.]

...I was dominating, so sure that victory was just around the corner, no one left but me and Maurice Thompson... then BAMMO... I'm flat on my back wondering what the fuck just happened...

[The former Perfect One pushed away from the ropes, backing up a bit. He shrugs his shoulders, lifts one hand out to his side and then lets it drop with a sad shake of his head.]

...but I have to give The Native his props, he has earned his place in the match tonight, and my begrudging respect. I twisted him...

[Staring at his hand, Corella raises it before him, his fingers curled in a claw like fashion.]

...contorted him....

[He then wrenched that hand in a dramatic gesture, as if tearing off a piece of meat from a wounded animal, his eyes now averted back to the crowd.]

...I did everything in my power to make him beg for the match to end, and yet, here I am, at Plunderland '09 without a title shot, and the only solace to be had is in the form of crushing what's left of one very little man's ego....

[With a bit of dramatic flare, Corella then turned back to the burn barrel. He bends down, fishing through the burlap sack to produce the DCWL Maple Leaf Championship. Slinging the belt onto his shoulder, Corella now looked directly into the camera.]

...Maurice, I just want you to know that whether you win that belt or not, I'll be the first man in line to face you.

[...The Camera zooms in on the man's face, his gaze intense and hard as steel.]

...You beat me on questionable terms, and I have to prove to myself whether or not what happened between you and I was dumb luck, or incredible skill.

[...Corella leans against that rope, arms crossed one over the other, the microphone held at the corner of his mouth.]

...Whether it's a title defense or not, depends solely on your skills tonight, and whether or not the bookers in the back see it as a money making decision.

[...A smile turns that serious stare, into a crazed grin...]

....and I promise you, Maurice... Respect or not, I will break you down peace by peace....

[...He then whipped away from the ropes, looking directly down the ramp. The smile fading fast to a contemptuous stare.]

Where in the HELL is that kid? Bring him out here; I don't care if you have to drag him out of the bathroom with his ass bare and dripping with shit. The card is set and we don't have time to waste on this.

[Corella turns to the barrel, gathering up the bag. Juggling both the microphone and the belt on his shoulder for a moment, he reached inside of it and pulled out a can of lighter fluid, and a box of matches. Slipping the mic in the loop of his tights, he then empties the rest of the bag's contents into the trash can, a mixture of several pieces of paper, dry wood chips, and one high temperature fire log. When he finished, he then tossed the bag into the can as well. With a bit of over-dramatic flare, he pops the top of the lighter fluid can, and squeezes out every ounce of it into the barrel before throwing the can itself in. Finally, he steps out to a complete arm's length from the can, lights a match, and flings it into the barrel, lighting up the dry material within the can to a raging inferno within mere seconds. Grabbing the belt and holding it out to his side, just inches away from the blazing fire, the man formerly known as Perfect pulled the microphone from the band of his tights and brought it back to his lips.]

....West....

[...He stares into that camera with intensity in his eyes.]

....With or without you at ringside, I will burn this, your most precious of possessions. You made the deal and you lost. Time to man up, kid. Take your punishment like a man, and let this be a learning lesson for you to never bite off more than you can chew....

[Enter Alton West. He too is in his ring gear, although it can best be described as a "mourning" kind of ring gear. Instead of garish color, he's in black and white. He too has a burlap sack and microphone, which he rolls into the ring.]

ALTON: Leon?

[Alton does his damnedest to look intimidating.]

ALTON: I was just talking to my friend the other day. Maybe you know him... his name is Sylvia Biscotti... That's right, Leon. Me and the Italian Prime Minister? We're boys. Anyway, Sylvia said to me, "hey, Alton, que pasa, mes amigo?" And I said, "Not much, just getting ready for Plunderland '09. That there Leon Corella is gonna burninate my belt, the belt that was handcrafted for me by many twenty-something women in various states of undress."

[Audible groans and derision from the crowd for West's hyperbole.]

ALTON: So Sylvia-- or "Big I.P.M." as he likes to be called-- says to me, "what? Bro, seriously, there's gotta be like twenty million people in Calgary and they're all in your target demographic. They'll club him to death with hockey sticks before he even flicks his Bic." Sylvia raised a very good point, Leon. I have no choice but to do this to you.

[Corella drops the Maple Leaf belt behind him and assumes a fighting stance. Alton West reaches in to his burlap sack.]

ALTON: I commissioned a new belt for myself!

[In his hands he displays ANOTHER belt, this one with a strip of duct tape over top of it, with the words "MAPLE LEAF" Magic Markered on the tape. Below the DCWL logo, underneath the tape the outline of the engraved words 'TAG TEAM' is visible.]

ALTON: That would've been a close call, Leon Corella. Imagine me, DCWL Maple Leaf Champion-- BELTLESS. You gotta be more careful about your ass writing cheques your mouth can't cash, Leon. But you know what?

[West grabs the barrel and drags it out of the ring. A referee appears to give him a hand.]

ALTON: Because you are such a worthy adversary, I'm going to grant you a shot... AT THE DCWL MAPLE LEAF CHAMPIONSHIP... RIGHT HERE... TONIGHT... so without further... ado... do you accept?

[Corella swats West upside the head and gets into his fighting stance.]

RM: I guess we've got a match here!

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER – Leon Corella (Crucifix Armbar, 14:42)

CC: [flatly] Oh no. The Maple Leaf Championship belt. [brightly] Anyone bring any marshmallows?

[Corella rolls out of the ring and takes *both* incarnations of the Maple Leaf Championship, dumping them into the metal drum.]

RM: Well, so much for the Maple Leaf Championship.

[Corella elicits a can of kerosene from the fire marshal at ringside overseeing the sacrifice. He pours some into the can and now picks up a box of bluetip matches.]

CC: Alton West kind of brought this on himself.

RM: Oh come on, that belt was Alton West’s raison d’etre.

CC: I don’t care if it was raisin bread. I’ll sing “Kumbaya.”

[Corella flicks the match, just as Alton West rolls over and looks into his eyes.]

[And into the barrel it goes.]

*FWHOOOOOOSH!*

[Corella coldly leaves ringside as the contents of the drum combust. Alton West drops to his knees, spreads his arms wide, and screams skyward.]

ALTON: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CC: Hey… Nice Darth Vader impression!

RM: Well DCWL fans, coming up next is another championship match. Max Turbo has been on a tear since joining the DCWL, so while we get Alton West some counselling, let’s take a special look at Max Turbo.

[Christian Chazz and Rich Manning look unnerved and baffled.]

CC: That actually kind of sums it up.

RM: Umm… you know what? Let’s just let Buckley Luck make the announcement…

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER and New Dangerous Champion – Mario Speedwagon (Back Differential, 12:55)

RM: New champion!

CC: Whaaa?!

RM: We have a new Dangerous Champion and—

CC: And it’s FRIKKIN’ MARIO SPEEDWAGON?! What? Was Goog Abbott in the can when they were handing out Dangerous Championship title shots?

RM: Ladies and gentlemen, that just goes to illustrate how volatile and unpredictable chasing and defending the Dangerous Championship can be!

CC: This place is too weird.

RM: Well folks, we’re going to check in with Blaze Crimson again to get an update on the attack backstage on the Deputy Commissioner.

[Split screen of Blaze Crimson and the announce team.]

RM: Blaze, do we know anything more?

BC: Well, from what I can tell and what I’ve heard from the EMTs, Kevin Alloy sustained multiple fractures in his right hand, but now he’s refused any further medical attention. Right now, Deputy Commissioner and Kyle Hayden have entered what sounds to me like an emergency meeting in a locked room.

RM: Blaze, do we know anything more about who could have attacked Deputy Commissioner Alloy?

BC: I can confirm that were two, maybe three assailants. Kyle Hayden reviewed security camera footage and as soon as he and Alloy confirmed the identity of the attackers, they just basically clammed up and retreated to one of the meeting rooms here. But the most unnerving thing is that all DCWL employees were accounted for at the time the attack on Kevin Alloy took place.

RM: Alloy was attacked by someone from outside the DCWL?

BC: That’s what we can gather.

RM: All right, thank you Blaze.

[Cut back to the full screen of the announce table.]

CC: Yeah, this—uh—this is not good. Between Henry Spikes and all these people swarming into the DCWL, I do have a very bad feeling about this.

RM: Well, we should just press on. There’s no point in lingering. Fans, our next match is a rematch of sorts: a singles match between two athletes normally known for their work in the Trios division. And, Chazz, Unique Element has not had an easy go of it, have they?

CC: No doubt. They got mired in a battle with Complete Control that spanned three shows and then the Annoyed Samoans got themselves counted out in their championship match. And now they’re meeting in a steel cage in Bismarck at “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.”

RM: It was decided that for a warm-up, one member of each team was to meet in a singles match tonight. It’s “Mr. Mass” Gabe Lindsay against the lumbering Offramp Alebua!

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER – Offramp Alebua (Zimbardo Slam, 13:22)

RM: Offramp manages to eke out a victory! What a brawl that was!

CC: Yeah, those two were throwing BOMBS at each other. What are they going to do inside a cage?

RM: I do know this: Unique Element will have to be at the top of their game if they want to topple the Annoyed Samoans for the straps.

CC: Yeah, escape rules aren’t in effect! It’s pinfall or submission in the cage! Not that I’m implying that the good and intellectual Annoyed Samoans are like caged animals. They’re very skilled and intelligent gentlemen. Who will probably maul Unique Element.

RM: Well, the next match was to have been a culmination of Derrick Ford’s odyssey in the DCWL, as he has constantly found himself or outright put himself on the wrong side of management time and again. Kevin Alloy was to have taken charge of the situation by actually competing against Ford, but now Derrick Ford has a chance to avenge himself on the man who eliminated him from Grand Championship contention back at “Citation Needed.”

CC: Yeah, one roll-up from JDM Superstar and Ford felt he did it all for nothing. I’m surprised, actually, to see Jeffery Dylan Marsh show some honest-to-god loyalty to the DCWL!

RM: Let’s take you to the ring, fans! This is going to be a doozy.

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER – Derrick L. Ford (Hansen Lariat, 14:26)

RM: Well, JDM gave his all tonight, but Ford’s got his upward momentum back, and you can’t fault him for—

[All eyes turn to the entranceway, as music plays over the P.A.]

RM: What the-?

CC: Oh no…

[A man and a woman make their way down the ramp with haste. The woman wears glossy black spandex trunks, exposing her muscular thighs, hard black knee pads and knee-high black leather boots along with a midriff-baring glossy black spandex halter top that shows off her ripped abdomen and her shoulders. On her right hand she wears a black, fingerless glove. She stands at the top of the ramp, arms folded across her chest. Her biceps bulge with the action, displaying the "God's Child" tattoo on her right shoulder and the striking shark logo on her left biceps. She stares at the fans first on one side and then stares at them on the next. Her lips slowly curl back into a big sexy and lusty smile.]

CC: That's Marissa Monet!

[The man's attire is composed of a black wife-beater, black loose fitting leather pants with crossing on each side. His swagger is undeniable; his confidence is teetering to the level of arrogance.]

CC: And Eddie Christian!

RM: They’re from the Shootfire Army! What are they doing here?!

[Both roll into the ring. Derrick Ford quickly backs off to the corner. JDM Superstar, still staggered from his loss, sees himself surrounded by Monet and Christian.]

CC: Oh, no, I think we know what they’re here for.

RM: The Shootfire Army already won their war against JDM Superstar and the Invaders at Iconoclasm! What are they doing *here*?

[Monet and Christian begin beating down JDM Superstar! The crowd is stunned and begins jeering the Shootfire contingent. Ford just watches impassively; it’s none of his business.]

CC: My god, just leave the man be! You beat him already! What the hell is this supposed to prove?

RM: Eddie Christian scooping JDM up… Champion’s Reign tombstone piledriver!

[Christian drops to the mat, shouting taunts to JDM.]

RM: And now this monster… this Great Black Shark Monet, just laying in huge punches to Jeffery Marsh.

CC: This isn’t just sending a message to JDM Superstar; this is an EXECUTION!

RM: Kyle Hayden! Kyle Hayden and Kevin Alloy!

[Hayden rushes down the aisle, and slides into the ring, trying to get between the Shootfire Army and JDM Superstar. Alloy, still in his ring gear, rolls in after. His hand is bandaged and he holds it close to his abdomen.]

RM: The Commissioner and his deputy are trying to maintain some sanity in the ring here…

[Behind Alloy, Derrick Ford shouts.]

FORD: “HEY!”

[Alloy instinctively wheels around, but gets blindsided by Monet and Christian!]

CC: For god’s sake, will someone please explain what the hell is happening here?!

RM: These two Shootfire Army members are taking apart Kevin Alloy now!

CC: Oh my god, it was them!

[Monet’s eyes roll back into her head as Alloy is left staggering.]

RM: Them what?

CC: They were the ones who took out Alloy!

RM: Oh my goodness, it was a set-up! A DAMN SET-UP!

[Monet easily drops Alloy with a falling ¾ nelson bulldog.]

RM: SHARK ATTACK!

CC: Oh no. for god’s sake…

[Eddie Christian has rolled out of the ring, only to return with a steel chair. Kyle Hayden tries to wrest it away from him, but Marissa Monet turns her attention to him.]

CC: For the love of…

RM: Kyle Hayden is not a wrestler; he’s a foot shorter than you and barely over a hundred pounds soaking wet.

[Before Hayden can react, Monet jams a claw hold on and lifts him up in the air, slamming the Commissioner HARD to the mat with an STO.]

RM: What has gotten in to the Shootfire Army?!

CC: They’re just destroying anything and everything associated with the DCWL!

RM: Except for Derrick Ford!

[As the boos and garbage rain in on Eddie Christian and Marissa Monet’s beatdown, Derrick Ford has seen enough and leaves the ring area, heading back up the ramp.]

RM: JDM Superstar is a bloody mess; Kevin Alloy and Kyle Hayden are out. Now Eddie Christian has that chair, lifting up Jeffery Marsh.

[Christian lines up Marsh for a curbstomp on the chair.]

CC: Oh my god, he’s gonna Stomp The Yard… I’m gonna turn away now. Let me know if JDM has a head after he’s done, okay?

[Suddenly the crowd comes to life with cheers. Rushing down the aisle is James O’Connor.]

RM: “Cunning” James O’Connor! He got his start in the DCWL! This must be hitting too close to home for him!

[O’Connor blocks both Marissa Monet and Eddie Christian from continuing their assault on JDM, Alloy and Hayden.]

CC: Did he crush his skull? Can I look?

[O’Connor grabs a mic from Buckley Luck.]

JOC: Marissa, Eddie… you gotta stop this! This is the DCWL!

[Crowd pop for O’Connor.]

JOC: Save some for me!

[O’Connor lifts his leg up onto JDM Superstar’s head and jams into down into the chair! And just like that, the DCWL crowd turns on him.]

RM: NO!

CC: OF ALL THE LOUSY GOOD-FOR-NOTHIN’ INGRATES!

[O’Connor stomps JDM’s head a couple of more times for good measure. Eddie Christian hoists Alloy up into a double chickenwing, and Monet takes the chair and bashes him over the head. Hayden begins to come to, and he stares up into the face of James O’Connor. O’Connor stares down for a second and socks him in the jaw. Hayden crumples to the mat, and “Cunning” O’Connor lays in a savage rear naked choke to the DCWL Commissioner.]

RM: This is… my god this is brutal. What has gotten into James O’Connor?! For god’s sake he should be standing up for the DCWL! What the hell is happening?

CC: Rich, I’ll tell you what’s happening! This is supposed to be a SPORT! And these Shootfire types don’t like how JDM Superstar conducted himself, and now they’ve decided to take it out on the DCWL!

[O’Connor releases the choke on Hayden and rolls out of the ring. Monet and Christian follow. Eddie Christian has a few choice words for the heckling fans, while Monet and O’Connor silently, and coldly head up the aisle. The injured Alloy and beaten Hayden check on JDM Superstar, who is beginning to stir.]

RM: Well, Chazz, I hate to think about the phone calls that Kyle Hayden is going to be making tomorrow, because Shootfire’s parent company is under investigation… And I hate to think that Henry Spikes would have anything to do with this…

CC: If the shoe fits, Rich. We just got Blackwatered by Henry Spikes and the Shootfire Army.

[Hayden and Alloy manage to roll a bloodied Jeffery Marsh out of the ring, holding him up on either side. Alloy is clearly in great pain. EMTs finally rush down to help them to the back.]

RM: Well… fans, we’re try and continue. It wouldn’t be fair to the two competitors involved in the next match. After all, this is the moment we’ve been building to ever since the rebirth of the DCWL.

CC: Well, that’s true.

RM: Chazz, how do you see the match to decide the Grand Champion breaking down?

CC: Rich, it’s very much a battle of extremes. Maurice Thompson is very young, very green. I know earlier Leon Corella accused him of essentially having dumb luck, but luck only gets you so far. “The Native” is only going to get better as time goes on, and that a testament to how good he is now, too, by the way. But Julian Beckson has been here before. He knows what it’s like to compete for a major title. He has the experience, the momentum, and the advantage in power. But then again, Denis Cyr had the benefit of power and experience and Thompson was able to defeat him as well. But it’s definitely going to be a clash of styles.

RM: The Grand Championship has been idle for too long. Tonight, it lives again! Beckson vs. Thompson, Bane vs. the Native… let’s go to Buckley!

*SPOILERS AHOY!*

WINNER and DCWL GRAND CHAMPION – Julian Beckson (Prussian Blue, 16:06)

RM: Beckson wins! Undefeated still!

CC: Thompson gave all he could, but Bane just kept coming for him!

[Steve Francis takes the belt from ringside and hands it to Julian Beckson. He looks down at the fallen Maurice Thompson, spits on the ground, and raises the belt high.]

RM: Maurice Thompson was in over his head tonight, but at the rate this kid’s improving he could be the one taking the strap back!

CC: Oh boy, Shootfire hates us and we have an alleged white supremacist as our champion. That’s great.

RM: Fans, we’ve seen exciting debuts, crushing defeats—

CC: Championship won, championships lost, championships set on fire for kicks—

RM: Blood, weapons, invasions—

CC: [as Simon Pegg] I like this league. It’s exciting!

RM: We are the DCWL! Thank you for joining us for “Plunderland ’09!” For Christian Chazz, Blaze Crimson, Hollywood Panzerotti and Dan Clear, I’m Rich Manning! We’ll see you in October when we roll into Bismarck, North Dakota for “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank!”

e-mail: dcwlwrestling@yahoo.com

http://dangerouswrestling.blogspot.com

http://dangerouswrestling.proboards.com

September 27, 2009

NEWZ UPDATE - September 27, 2009

September 23, 2009

DCWL #5 - September 23, 2009 - Calgary, Alberta - "Plunderland '09: Plunder Harder"

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