[EARLIER TODAY…]
[Backstage we go. We see B.A. Jive closing his locker, ready to leave. He turns to someone off-camera.]
JIVE: ...and don't think this is settled. Losing by countout is bull and you know it.
[The camera pans over to Joe Pansac, the other member of the defunct Brains n Chains Express. He has a wide grin on his face.]
PANSAC: No worries, old friend. I'll be glad to step foot in the ring with you anytime.
[The two shake hands.]
PANSAC: Thanks for the beer. We'll go double or nothing next time.
JIVE: Alright. Later.
[Jive turns to leave. On his way out, he passes by the other two members of Horrorshow. He briefly nods in their general direction before leaving. Mina Eyre recognizes him and darts towards Jive. Masterson is there to restrain her.]
EYRE: COME BACK HERE, DAMNIT! COME BACK HERE AND SAY MY FUCKING NAME!
[Pansac rolls his eyes, then chuckles.]
PANSAC: He knows, Mina. Jive's a smart guy. He was just trying to get under our skins. I guess with you, at least, he succeeded.
[Knowing he's right, Eyre stops struggling. Cautiously, Wolf lets her go. The Vamp takes a deep breath...]
*THWAP*
WOLF: OWWW!
[...before turning on her heel and broadsiding Masterson across his face.]
EYRE: What the fuck were you doing?! Why didn't you...
PANSAC: ENOUGH!
[Mina quiets immediately, narrowed eyes still burning through Masterson.]
PANSAC: You need to save that energy for the ring. Keep your focus on Rio Paah.
[The Vamp licks her red lips.]
EYRE: You're right, Joe. It's time I had some fresh meat. Fighting those Total Control goons was good fun, but I'm looking forward to settling into the Sirens division.
WOLF: Can't hurt that she's with the Annoyed Samoans either. They're the top of the Trios mountain. Anything we can do to hold over them, so much the better.
[Wolf scoffs.]
WOLF: And they think THEY'RE stereotyped.
[Mina stares on in disbelief.]
EYRE: Are you done?
[Wolf starts to answer, but gets cut off.]
EYRE: No, seriously dipshit, are you done? Are you done making this about what you want? I'm TIRED of your self important...
PANSAC: MINA!
[The Deadman is no longer amused. He walks up to The Vamp and puts a finger in her face.]
PANSAC: This is your shot. You wanted a chance to be Mina Eyre, rather than The Vampire, and I got it for you. You've got a tough test in the ring tonight, and if this is where your focus lies then Gabrielle Rio Paah is going to eat you alive in there.
[Joe thinks about the implications of what he just said.]
PANSAC: Figuratively speaking. She'll beat you pillar to post. You want this one? Show it. Show that focus that can be so deadly when directed properly but is wasted on these petty arguments.
[Mina hangs her head for a moment, then snaps to attention. She turns to the camera, staring daggers at the home audience.]
EYRE: Rio Paah, you've got some skill. You looked decent against that Roller-Ball reject Molly Molotov, but you're about to step into the ring with someone on a whole other level. Ask Eric Quinney and John Blackstock what happens when you cross me.
[A sinister half smile.]
EYRE: So go ahead. Tell us all how you're mistreated because of stereotyping, then use that stupid British accent to mispronounce my name. We all know that's coming, just like we all know the end result waiting in the ring. Your blood will be shed. Your shoulders will be on the mat. You will feel the Kiss of the Vamp, and you will know, just as all of the DCWL will know, that I am THE VAMP, MINA EYRE!
[With that, we cut back to ringside.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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WINNER: Mina Eyre (Standing Moonsault – 11:54)
[Eyre, satisfied she’s fully warmed up the crowd, soaks in the adulation of the audience. RioPaah, meanwhile, is having a nasty argument with the referee over what she considers to be the number three.]
[Into the ring rolls Wolf Masterson, making sure it’s him who raises Mina Eyre’s hand. Joe “Deadman” Pansac follows shortly after, trying to usher them out of the ring. Suddenly, Gabrielle RioPaah has her own back up blocking the aisle. Ozzie Emshamo, Moses Pupulolo and Offramp Alebua charge toward Horrorshow (well, Offramp jogs…) and the two trios begin brawling. The four-on-three numbers advantage favors The Annoyed Samoans, until Joe Pansac finds his trusty weapons cache under the ring!]
[Cue the opening video.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
RM: Live from Bismarck, North Dakota, it’s Show #6: “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank!”
[Go wide to the crowd who have just finished filing in. Cut back to Rich Manning and the ever-stylish Christian Chazz.]
RM: Tonight, we have five new athletes making their DCWL debut! The Great Atma! The Big Nasty! American Freebear! “The Show” Sierra Browne! And… well…
CC: That guy in a cow suit Dan Clear picked up.
RM: Yeah, “Mad Cow…” Also, The Annoyed Samoans and Unique Element will tangle over the Trios Championship in the cage in our main event.
CC: How about the hometown boy? Leon Corella’s been critical of Maurice Thompson recently and Thompson is going to get a chance to settle it in front of his hometown crowd tonight!
RM: Also tonight, unlikely champion Mario Speedwagon defends the Dangerous Championship against the first Dangerous Champion, Derrick L. Ford!
CC: And another of my favourites, Mike Anderson, is going to face off against Max Turbo. I like Turbo too, but his hot streak has gone ice cold and Anderson is building momentum.
RM: Without further ado, let’s take it to the ring. American Freebear has quickly garnered a reputation as one of, if not THE best big man in the business. He’s usually the biggest man in the match, except for—
CC: Yeah, that Nasty Giant he’s going to be in the ring with is eight inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier. And he doesn’t need no stinkin’ entrance music.
RM: It’s American Freebear against The Big Nasty and this match is going to go a long way to impressing DCWL fans. Let’s go down to ring announcer Buckley Luck. Buckley, take it!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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RM: Ert Williams! Ace Stevens! Killa 187! That’s Da Ace Killas!
CC: Yeah, these guys make Dan Clear’s hobos look like winners.
[By now the match between American Freebear and The Big Nasty has ground to a halt as Da Ace Killas fill the ring. Stevens points to his head again. Killa 187 continues to strut around wildly, until Ert Williams smacks him upside the head.]
RM: I guess this means Da Ace Killas are back in the DCWL.
CC: Yeah, but their number one skill is DUMB LUCK! How are they gonna survive? The Annoyed Samoans? Horrorshow? Unique Element? Even the hobos will wrestle circles around these boobs!
[“Pick up the Pieces” by Average White Band abruptly cuts out, replaced by “Shutterbuggin’” by Buck 65.]
[Enter DCWL Deputy Commissioner Kevin “Killdozer” Alloy. He is in an ill-fitting tan suit, a cast on hand, a microphone in the other.]
KA: [monotone] Hey guys good to see you in the DCWL want a match okay Killa and Ert you guys can have a match against The Big Nasty and American Freebear right now Ace you’re not allowed at ringside so you’ll have to leave really great to see you guys back well bye.
[Just as quickly as he arrived, Kevin Alloy makes his exit. Referee Steve Francis is already ejecting manager Ace Stevens from the ring area as Killa 187 and Ert Williams look at the two mountains in front of them with a worried look on their face.]
RM: No love lost between Da Ace Killas and the *former* Men Without Shame.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winners – American Freebear and The Big Nasty (Big Nasty: Chokeslam – 14:49)
[Freebear and TBN exchange high fives as they leave the ring. Ert Williams steps back into the ring. He nudges Killa a couple of times with his boot as one would do with roadkill.]
RM: We don’t often have two-on-two tag matches in the DCWL, but that was… kind of one-sided.
CC: Yeah, if the Killas are here to form a trio they’re going to need some serious back-up.
RM: How about American Freebear and The Big Nasty? Both of them looked like real contenders here. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re offered full-time contracts tonight.
CC: Yeah, that’s hands down the most devastating chokeslam I’ve seen, and did you get a load of that Ursine Destroyer? Freebear moves like a cruiserweight!
[Ace Stevens rushes down the aisle with some very fake looking bling in his hand. He wraps it around Killa 187’s neck and Killa begins to revive as “Pick Up The Pieces” begins to play again. He begins to strut around again, and walks into a chokeslam from Ert Williams.]
RM: The only thing more dangerous to Killa 187 that his opponents it his partner.
CC: Oh come on, I want to take a turn beating up Killa. Wonder if I’ve still got Ace Stevens on my Facebook…
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[We hear the rumble of a 426 Hemi sound out as a beautiful, two tone black and gold 1971 Dodge Challenger RT rolls into view, it's obscenely expensive 5 spoke chrome Enkei rims gleaming in the bright lights of the Arena parking lot. Even the windows are semi-translucent gold tint, making it hard to see the driver as it passes by to slip into a convenient parking space nearby. Stepping into view is none other than DCWL's own Dan Clear, his hair gelled into a perfect mold atop his head. With a megawatt smile, he makes the introductions.]
Clear- Dan Clear here, and I believe we just witnessed the arrival of Leon Corella...
[The door to the Challenger opens up, and indeed, Dan's assumption was validated as Corella steps out of the car. He is a bit more plain dressed than usual, sporting a black button down shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of black Nike sneakers. If it weren't for the car and the Platinum Rolex on his wrist, one would think he were just an ordinary guy off the street. Dan approaches quickly as Corella pulls out his duffle bag and quickly shuts the door of his car.]
Clear- Mr. Corella! Could we have a minute of your time?
[Corella stops, shooting Clear a hard stare as he dumps his duffle bag on the ground.]
Corella- Don't you people have anything better to do than troll around backstage and ask asinine questions?
[Clear chuckled a bit, taking the jab in stride.]
Clear- Nope, a good investigator goes where the story is, and my nose says the story is with you. We all saw your strong words for The Native, Maurice Thompson, on the latest edition of DCWL's War of the Words, and The people have to know, what inspired your anger?
[Taking in a deep breath, Corella tilts his head to the side ever so slightly, his jaw set.]
Corella- It wasn't "Clear" enough for you? The man took an opportunity that many would KILL for and pissed it away. How stupid do you have to be, Dan?
[Corella now practically towered over Dan Clear, brow to brow, nearly bending the "investigative journalist" backwards. His nostrils flared as he bore down upon Clear.]
Clear- Well... um... yes... Sorry Mr. Corella. It wasn't my intention to make you repeat yourself...
[A smile broke out on Leon's face, lending that intense scowl a psychotic glaze.]
Corella- Good...
[...he then pulled back from Clear, allowing the man to straighten...]
Corella- ...Because if it's one thing I hate more than anything in this world, is having to repeat myself.
[...Despite the urge to run to the toilet wreaking havoc with Dan's digestive system, he pressed a second question as sweat beaded down his brow.]
Clear- What is your game plan going into the match against Maurice Thompson tonight?
[Corella's smile simply sharpens, giving him an almost shark-like demeanor.]
Corella- Plan? The plan is this, Dan... I'm going to dismember him. Inch by inch, I will break Maurice down until he stops moving. I fully intend to force him to utilize the full extent of DCWL's medical coverage.
[...Dan gulped a bit, fighting down the fear to ask one last question...]
Clear- ...and if he should beat you, and move on to face Beckson?
[Corella moved in close to Clear, dusting off his shoulders before grabbing him up by the collar and bringing the two face to face once more, rage dancing across the larger man's face.]
Clear- OH SHIT!! DON'T KILL ME!!!!
[The rage quickly fades into a friendly smile, Corella dumping Clear on his ass.]
Corella- A long time ago, Dan, I'd have made an example out of you for asking such a question. Doubt is for the weak, and the unskilled. Do I look like either to you?
[Clear shakes his head back and forth quickly.]
Corella- ...Then in the future, I'd make it a habit never to express such doubts in my abilities ever again.
[Corella gathers up his duffle, and steps off camera, Dan watching him leave. Once he's sure Corella's gone, he quickly rises to his feet and lets out a deep sigh of relief. He begins talking to the camera man, seemingly unaware that the camera's of.]
Clear- ...Can you believe the nerve of that asshole? This jacket is Cashmere! It cost me $400 bucks! Worst of all he could have ruined my hair! I should sue his ass and press charges!
Off Camera Voice- ....Dude we're still rolling...
[...Clear looks in on the camera, and blinks. He glares over the camera to the operator.]
Clear- Oh shit... SHUT THE DAMN CAMERA OFF YOU IDIOT!!!
[...Clear reaches over the camera and the scene quickly snaps to black...]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[A man in his early thirties is seen wondering around the backstage are. He is dressed in a black ‘Slayer” t-shirt, blue jeans, and black Army boots. His long hair pulled back into a ponytail. He has a beer bottle in his right hand, occasionally taking a swig from the bottle.]
MAN: Hello? Where is everyone?
[Blaze Crimson spots the man and approaches him.]
BLAZE: Excuse me sir , are you lost?
MAN: I sure am. I don’t know where in the hell I am or where I‘m going. I need to speak to whoever is in charge. Do you know where I can find him?
BLAZE: Who are you looking for exactly?
MAN: I didn’t catch his name. All I know is my agent said to hop on the first plane to Bismarck, North Dakota, show up at the DCWL show, speak to what’s his name and close the deal.
BLAZE: Deal?
MAN: Yes, deal. You know, a contract.
BLAZE: You’re a wrestler?
MAN: Am I a wrestler? AM I A WRESTLER??? Don’t you know who I am honey?
BLAZE: Obviously not.
MAN: I’m Logan Braddock, or you might know me as Sledge. I’ve been in this business for well over a decade. I’ve wrestled in multiple federations all over the globe. I have more gold around my waist that I can remember, or care to. That name doesn’t ring a bell?
[Blaze has a blank look on her face.]
SLEDGE: Really? No clue?
BLAZE: Nope, sorry.
[Sledge’s head drops in disappointment.]
SLEDGE: Man, you really know how to bring a guy down off a buzz.
[He takes another drink.]
SLEDGE: Well, anyway, where do I need to go to cross the ‘T’s and dot the ‘I’s?
[Blaze turns and points.]
BLAZE: Just around…
[Sledge cuts her off.]
SLEDGE: Don’t worry about it. I’ll find it myself.
[Sledge slowly wonders down the hall, head hung low, shoulders drooped.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
RM: No stop to new talent that wants to call the DCWL home—
CC: DUDE! That’s Sledge! He was in the UWAC. He’s a former CEW World Champion! I can’t believe it! Sledge is coming to the DCWL!
[A strange pause.]
RM: I take it you know Mr. Braddock.
CC: Mmm. Kind of.
RM: Well, up next is another debut match. We saw Sierra Browne first when she superkicked Molly Molotov out of her shoes in that Sirens exhibition match back at “Plunderland ‘09” and now they’re going to meet again one-on-one. Let’s go to the ring.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winner – Sierra Browne (The Truth – 16:36)
CC: Man, “The Show” is just non-stop signature moves! Just dealing on Molly Molotov!
RM: After that match it’s easy to see why Sierra Browne is regarded as one of the top female wrestlers active today. Kyle Hayden is looking to bring the best competition in the world for Browne from Shootfire Pro Wrestling and elsewhere. And speaking of worldwide signings, we’re a few minutes away from giving you our first look at Mad Cow and The Great Atma. But first, let’s check in with Blaze Crimson, who is with Derrick L. Ford, who will be challenging for the Dangerous Championship later tonight. Blaze, take it away!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Cut to Blaze Crimson in the back, standing in the Gorilla position.]
BLAZE: Thanks guys. Those of you who caught the latest War of the Words show saw heartfelt words from "The Native" Maurice Thompson, tough dialogue from Mike Anderson and Leon Corella, and the introduction of the American Freebear. What we didn't see, for the first time since the league reopened, was Derrick L. Ford. It's curious enough that Ford didn't have anything to say, but between the return of Henry Spikes and his attempt to be the first two-time Dangerous Champion I find it hard to believe that he would remain silent on the issue. After doing some research...
VOICE: Thanks, Blaze, but I'll take it from here.
[Into the frame steps Derrick L. Ford, dressed to compete and grinning ear to ear. Blaze looks disappointed and shoots a look of disgust at the man who now walks into the frame.]
BLAZE: Well since you've decided to grace us with your presence...
[Ford goes right past the obvious sarcasm.]
FORD: Yes I have, Blaze, and I'm glad to hear that's appreciated. What's going on with Henry and SPW isn't anything I need to get into. Henry can speak for himself on that.
BLAZE: But what about your role in the attack, distracting Kevin Alloy and enabling...
FORD: Enabling what? Alloy to get what was coming to him? To be honest, I HATED that Alloy got attacked in the back. I'd still love to get my hands on that smarmy bastard if I have half a chance. But I'm not going to turn down a chance to put a hurt on JDM, after he cost me the Grand.
BLAZE: And now you face Mario Speedwagon for your second Dangerous Championship.
[Ford laughs, shaking his head.]
FORD: Ah, yes, Mario Speedwagon. You know, I heard he doesn't like Fords. Did you hear about that Blaze?
BLAZE: Yes...
FORD: That's okay, I don't like REO Speedwagon that much either. I don't go for that schmaltzy crap. So I guess that makes us even.
[Ford addresses the camera directly.]
FORD: The question is, though, WHY? Why do you hate Fords so much? Did your poor dog get run over by a Taurus when you were a kid? Did the guy who was dating the slut you drooled over in high school drive a Mustang? Do you simply hate American cars and, by proxy, America?
[Derrick waves a finger.]
FORD: No, I think we've been misunderstanding you the whole time. That knuckledragger dialect you keep spouting off makes it sound like you're saying FORD, when really you're saying "AFFORD." Like, you hate that you can't AFFORD a proper education, or that it sucks that you can't AFFORD anything other than the lowest of the low class hookers. Hell, maybe you even hate that you can't AFFORD a Ford, and get stuck with that stupid Japanese garbage instead.
[Ford is dead serious now.]
FORD: After you face me in that ring, Speedwagon, you're going to hate Fords more than ever before. I'm going to run you over like an F-150. You're not in my league, Mario. You'll never be in the same class as I am. You can't afford it. You will lose, and I will be the first ever two time Dangerous Champion. You are nothing but a Speed-bump to cementing the ERA of DERRICK! L! FORD!
[Ford leaves .]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Cut to in front of the DCWL backdrop, where the scene is much like last show: Dan Clear with a mysterious figure in the background. The mysterious figure, however, happens to be six and a half feet tall and nearly four-hundred pounds.]
CLEAR: On a dark night several years ago in upstate New York, several inmates escaped from an asylum and remain free to this day. One of these patients is Shootfire Pro Wrestling’s “Jester” Chad Allen. But equally as dangerous and equally as—
[The figure steps to the foreground. He is clearly a huge guy in a cow costume.]
MAD COW: Moo.
CLEAR: Equally as dangerous as Chad Allen is Mad Cow, who—
MAD COW: Moo.
CLEAR: Sociopathic and demented—
[Mad Cow steps close to the camera, a big grin on his face.]
MAD COW: Moo!
[He happily clangs the cowbell around his neck.]
CLEAR: This sick and twisted individual—
MAD COW: Moo moo moo!
[Clear loses it.]
CLEAR: LOOK I’M TRYIN’ TO DO A PROFILE ON YA, OKAY?!
MAD COW: Moo?
CLEAR: That tears it. I can’t work under these conditions.
[Clear storms off, while Mad Cow remains in his own world.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Now cut to a bluescreen with a logo reading “The Great Atma” in an Asian-inspired font on it.]
VOICE: [from offstage] You’re on Alton.
[In front of the bluescreen steps The Great Atma, who is pretty clearly Caucasian with short brown hair and paint on his face. He draws his thumb across his throat and awkwardly spits mist into the air. He leaves.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
RM: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure The Great Atma is Alton West after watching a few too many Japanese wrestling tapes.
CC: I want to change my pick. I think I’m going to pick Mad Cow in this match.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winner – Mad Cow (UDDER Disaster – 9:21)
CC: Oh my god! Great Atma is toast!
RM: A dominating performance from Mad Cow!
CC: Am I crazy? Did Dan Clear find himself a winner?
RM: Maybe the grease paint took some getting used to for “The Great Atma.”
CC: What do they feed these guys in these asylums? Chad Allen and now Mad Cow.
RM: We’re going to backstage to Blaze Crimson again. Blaze, what do you have for us?
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[We pan backstage where the lovely Blaze Crimson stands beside Mike Anderson who is dressed in his wrestling attire. With hands on hips, towel around neck and looking at the ceiling, Blaze gets things rolling.]
Blaze Crimson: Thanks Rich. I’m standing here with one of DCWL’s newest signee’s, Mike Anderson. Mike, you will be facing former Dangerous champion, Max Turbo. What are your thoughts?
[Mike stops looking at the ceiling; he turns to Blaze, then to the camera.]
MA: It’s just like you said Ms. Crimson, former Dangerous champion. If he had that piece of tin tonight, well it would be around this waist at the end of it all. But that isn’t the case anymore is it?
Crimson: Well n…
[Anderson cuts her off.]
MA: That’s right, it isn’t. It’s not because Max turbo is an overrated waste of federation space. People keep telling me I should him some respect. The internet buzzing that Max Turbo is more then just some overrated chump in 80’s attire.
Well tonight I prove them wrong. I don’t have to give anybody respect because with Mike Anderson, you have to earn it. Max Turbo is just another circus clown in my way to becoming the greatest of all time. Once I’m done demolishing him tonight, Mike Anderson will be on to bigger and better things.
Blaze Crimson: But wait, didn’t you call Max out?
MA: Well [smirks] not only are you cute, but a scholar too. I called out Max Turbo. I called him out because I’m sick and tired of nobodies like him trying to get famous by dressing up like an idiot to deflect the attention off his then capable wrestling skill. Well tonight I expose him for the fraud that he is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I hear my music playing.
[Mike Anderson walks off as Crimson watches him leave with a perplexed look on her face.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winner – Mike Anderson (Memphis Classic – 13:40)
RM: And Mike Anderson just keeps rolling in the DCWL!
CC: Yeah, Mike Anderson is just so meticulous and prepared, and Max Turbo is just so scattershot. But definitely a tougher challenge than Caleb Brantseg.
RM: And Max Turbo is hitting a big time cold streak here. Did he seem a little off to you?
CC: Definitely. Something’s on Max Turbo’s mind, I think.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[We open directly to the upper body of, “The Native” Maurice Thompson in the backstage area in his hometown of Bismarck, North Dakota inside of the very place he came regularly to watch independent shows a few years ago; the Schaumberg Arena. Our few pans outward to show Jessica and Hakeem Thompson, Maurice’s parents standing proudly in front of their son.]
[Maurice is wearing a black. “Vision Quest Gym” shirt along with the rest of his attire. His father Hakeem is wearing a white Polo, that contrasts nicely with his dark skin. Along with the polo he wears tan slacks. His mother Jessica wears a yellow top and blue jeans. Both have smiles on their faces, knowing they have the opportunity to see their son wrestle live for the first time in his seventh career match. Their eighteen year old only child has only begun his career, yet he has already shown promise pinning the likes of Denis Cyr and his opponent tonight Leon Corella.]
[Corella has laid down harsh verbal rhetoric since Maurice came up a little short against Julian Beckson. Thanks to one of his mentors, “Storm Warrior” Michael Navarro Thompson has refocused, promising Leon Corella will not defeat him. Which makes this night in Bismarck, all that more compelling.]
Maurice: I’m glad you two could make it, I know you’re both busy.
Jessica: We’re proud of you Maurice, all your hard work is paying off for you.
Hakeem: I personally want to see you beat that Beckson guy…
[A silence falls over the multiracial family, as the feeling is definitely mutual between them. None of them respect the man that is Julian Beckson. The silence is broken by the matriarch of the family.]
Jessica: I’m sure that time will come, until then you have to worry about what is in front of you son.
Maurice: I know mom, it’s a big night tonight.
Hakeem: You should go finish preparing…We can go to our seats.
Maurice: Alright, I’ll see the two of you after the show.
[Maurice hugs his mom before hugging his dad as well. The two walk off the screen as the screen fades on Maurice’s face.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[A new song, unknown to the DCWL audience blasts through the arena.]
RM: Who’s this now?
CC: Why does everyone have their theme music cued up instantly, anyway?
RM: Say, this theme sounds familiar…
[From the back, a well known international wrestler and businessman comes into sight wearing a light blue collar shirt along with black dress pants and shoes. The crowd immediately erupts seeing…]
RM: Whoa! Marcus Davis! He’s the owner of SOW!
CC: He’s not just that, Rich. He’s still active in NJWF.
[“The Dream” Marcus Davis has a grin on his face as he slowly makes his way to the ring, taking time to shake hands with some ecstatic fans at ringside. Finally, Davis walks up the steel steps before making his way into the ring. He jogs across the ring and jumps up to the middle turnbuckle with ease, posing to the crowd.]
RM: “The Dream” Marcus Davis is a big player in the Shootfire Family.
CC: I’m a little nervous whenever Shootfire comes calling.
RM: Let’s hear what he has to say first, Chazz. Henry Spikes is absent tonight, so I wouldn’t be paranoid about Shootfire Pro.
[Davis jumps down; he quickly grabs a microphone from an assistant outside of the ring. Marcus makes his way to the middle of the ring before raising the microphone to his lips, a huge grin on his face.]
Davis: I won’t take too much time…I won’t bother introducing myself…I won’t list all of my accomplishments…I won’t refuse to show up in the DCWL because I feel it’s beneath me….
_I_
[Davis pauses briefly the grin continuing to linger on his face.]
Davis: I am here to say that there will be a long working relationship between the DCWL and SOW…I am here to begin a transformation of wrestling in America…I am here to make a challenge.
CC: What did I tell you?
RM: Oh, this is hardly beating up DCWL management. But what kind of challenge does Marcus Davis have?
[Davis walks over to the ropes.]
Davis: I challenge any DCWL wrestler from the past or on the roster today to face me at Death of a Ladies Man. I will give you forty-eight hours to accept my challenge, as I am more than willing to step in the ring against anyone.
[The music plays once more as Davis hands the microphone back to Buckley Luck on the outside. He follows by stepping outside of the ring.]
CC: How about that? The SOW rep wants to take us on in the ring rather than send a bunch of goons down to wreak havoc on us for no reason! Who’d a thunk it?
RM: [muttering] Chazz… Ikes-spay…
CC: I mean I love whenever we see the Shootfire Family in the DCWL!
RM: Well fans, up next is the first of two title matches here tonight, and Blaze Crimson has caught up with Mario Speedwagon. Let’s hear from the champ.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Onscreen caption: “JULY 7, 2007.”]
[The stench of a grease and sweat cocktail permeates the air, as shadows engulf the dingy auto shop we find ourselves in. The establishment practically seems deserted, apart from the two legs lightly squirming underneath an elevated Ford Focus. After an unsatisfied grunt fills the shop, the mechanic slides himself out from underneath the vehicle, and sits up, muttering to himself.]
"Fuckin' Fords. Damn it, I remember when a Ford was like a fuckin' tank. Now, it's just these fruity pieces of shit."
[Turning his head, the mechanic finally notices the visitor in his shop. Slowly rising to his feet with a groan, and wiping his hands on the legs of his coveralls, he offers a hand to the person behind the camera.]
"You must be from the DCWL, eh? The name's Mario Spinnocini. Inside the ring, they call me Mario Speedwagon. But you? You can call me Sir."
[And abruptly cut to a series of Mario Speedwagon match highlights, most of which involve him getting beaten up quite badly. And ending with Mario Speedwagon pinning Max Turbo at “Plunderland ‘09” and holding aloft the DCWL Dangerous Championship.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Cut backstage where Blaze Crimson is much as she was before, this time beside Mario Speedwagon. The greasy mechanic is in his dingy blue coveralls, and he sports the DCWL Dangerous Championship belt over his shoulder.]
BC: Mr. Speedwagon, at “Plunderland ‘09” you shocked the world and became one of the least likely champions in DCWL history. And tonight you have an opportunity to come full circle when you take on Derrick L. FORD in a Dangerous Championship defense. Any thoughts on taking on Mr. FORD?
[Speedwagon mulls this over.]
MS: Not really. Just gonna try and counter his moves and outwrestle him.
[Crimson is clearly not enamoured with that response.]
BC: Yeah, but… don’t you hate Fords?
MS: Oh, I used to, but that was mostly transmission related. They actually fixed that in most of the ’08 models. See, they installed a new—
BC: OH, CHRIST ON A CRACKER!!!
RM: [off-screen] Whoa.
BC: We’ve been waiting for two years to pay off your ‘I hate Fords’ shtick on Derrick Ford and you damn well WHIFF on it! You effing LOSER! What is WRONG WITH YOU?!
MS: [sheepish] Well, I’m sorry…
BC: Oh, you’re sorry. Oh, that makes everything better. I swear to god, the next one of you testosterone-drenched losers with Asperger Syndrome even looks at me funny, I’m shoving this microphone down your throat and pulling it out your—
[A very awkward cut-away.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Mario Speedwagon – Dangerous Champion (defense x1) (Time Limit Draw – 15:00)
RM: Well, it was bound to happen at some point. Speedwagon was able to hold off Derrick L. Ford’s offense long enough to go to the bell, and the champion retains!
CC: Mario basically had to withstand Derrick Ford. He wasn’t exactly acting as the aggressor in that match-up.
RM: A very good point, Chazz. In most matches you want to mix the right amount of wrestling and counter wrestling, but with that fifteen minute time limit—hey, wait a minute!
[A third man has jumped the rails. He is wearing a bright yellow T-shirt with “YOUR ULTIMATE QUESTION” written on the front. He grabs a chair on the way to rolling into the ring and takes a wild swing. Derrick Ford quickly ducks out of the way and out the ring. The intruder takes another swing, this time at the leg of Mario Speedwagon.]
CC: Izzat?
RM: That’s Doug Foster! He’s from SOW as well! What is “The Question” doing here, and why is he attacking Mario Speedwagon?
[Foster grabs either side of the chair in his hands and jabs it over and over into the unprotected ribs of the Dangerous Champion.]
CC: Oh, not cool! Mario can’t even defend himself here!
RM: Doug Foster just pulverizing the insides of Mario Speedwagon, and now he locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.
[Not just any Texas Cloverleaf, but an elevated cloverleaf. Foster leans back and jams his knee into the back of Speedwagon’s head.]
RM: Doug Foster with The Solution on Speedwagon. Someone’s got to put a stop to this!
CC: Man, you can’t trust anyone any more! This Shootfire deal is more trouble than it’s worth!
[Speedwagon howls in agony as the foursome of referees storm the ring. They try their usual pacifist methods to pull The Question off the champion, with no success.]
RM: Oh, here comes the Deputy Commissioner.
CC: He’s got a busted hand from the last time we were invaded!
[The hulking presence of Kevin Alloy seems to be enough for Doug Foster to release The Solution. “Killdozer” Alloy and two of the referees escort Foster from the ring, while the other two begin to assist Speedwagon to the back.]
CC: I say again, what has this Shootfire deal done for us? AJ Black invests a bunch of ponzi funds into us and then splits and leaves us holding the bag!
RM: Chazz, are you cynical about everything?
CC: Hey, the internet told me so.
RM: Fans, we’re going to carry on here. Two of the most notable people to make names for themselves in the DCWL have been Leon Corella, the veteran, and Maurice Thompson, the rookie. And since joining the DCWL, the only blemish on Leon Corella’s record was a loss in the Grand Championship Qualifier back at Citation Needed last month, and he’s looking to avenge that loss tonight.
CC: Yeah, but he’s got to do it in front of Thompson’s home town crowd, and you can’t convince me that Corella’s going to be able to take them out of the match. I like Leon Corella; I like the way he operates, but if he thinks he’s going to have an easy victory tonight, Maurice Thompson will prove him wrong.
RM: Let’s hand it over to Buckley Luck for the introductions. Buckley!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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WINNER: Leon Corella (Running Lion Slam – 17:45)
CC: Man, what DIDN’T Leon Corella have to bust out to put this kid away?
[Corella poses for the crowd once more before making his exit gingerly out of the ring. Thompson begins to stir on the mat.]
RM: Leon Corella avenges that one loss he suffered and he does so in style.
CC: Yeah, that Lion Slam is a thing of beautiful brutality. I’m thinking the sky’s the limit for Corella.
[Corella has exited through the curtain and “House of the Rising Son” fades away. Thompson stands up in the middle of the ring. The entire arena rises to their feet, cheering for the hometown boy. Thompson looks around at the crowd. He hops down from the canvas to the floor and begins interacting with the crowd around ringside.]
RM: Well, tonight was not the night for Maurice Thompson.
CC: Unfortunately for him, Leon Corella was just that little bit stronger, a lot more seasoned... But that was a hell of a match for both gentlemen. I’m happy for them both, Rich.
RM: And you have to think that this isn’t going to be last time Maurice Thompson will wrestle in front of his hometown crowd, Chazz.
CC: Absolutely, Rich. When I was in the ring, whether you won or lost, after the match you only cared about when you would be getting back in there again.
RM: Well, fans, it’s main event time and we’re going to see the Annoyed Samoans but their Trios Championship on the line against a team that has been chasing them for the last couple of months. Unique Element has been faced with countout victories and tough losses ever since they stepped foot in the DCWL, but it all comes to a head inside that fifteen-or-so foot high steel cage.
CC: WHOA. When did that appear around the ring?
RM: The benefits of having good production values, Chazz.
CC: Oh.
RM: In this match, there is no escaping the cage. The only way to win is to pin one of your opponents or to make them submit. There must be a winner in this match, and we’re going to find out, right now!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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NEW TRIO CHAMPIONS: Unique Element (D. Gunderson d. M. Pupulolo: Don’t Think Just Tap – match stopped at 3:38)
CC: Friggin’ OUCH!
RM: The referee stopped the match!
[Moses Pupulolo rolls around on the match, clutching his leg. The ref hands the three Trios Championship belts to Lindsay, Wilson and Gunderson, who climb the cage and show them off to the crowd.]
RM: Danny Gunderson applied that rolling ankle lock on Moses of the Annoyed Samoans out of nowhere!
CC: Oh, man, he NAILED it. That’s got to be a torn ligament in Pupulolo’s leg.
RM: The referee sops the match and we have new champions!
[Ozzie and Offramp silently look at each other. Ozzie mouths the word “spaghetti” and Ozzie just sighs and slumps.]
RM: Congratulations to the new Trios Champions, Unique Element! We’ll be back with “Death of a Ladies’ Man,” fans, where we’ll see Julian Beckson’s first Grand Championship defence, and Marcus Davis’ challenge to the DCWL. For Blaze Crimson, Dan Clear and Christian Chazz, I’m Rich Manning! We’ll see you in Thunder Bay in November for “Death of a Ladies Man!”
[One last shot of Unique Element holding the Trios Championship belts.]
[Backstage we go. We see B.A. Jive closing his locker, ready to leave. He turns to someone off-camera.]
JIVE: ...and don't think this is settled. Losing by countout is bull and you know it.
[The camera pans over to Joe Pansac, the other member of the defunct Brains n Chains Express. He has a wide grin on his face.]
PANSAC: No worries, old friend. I'll be glad to step foot in the ring with you anytime.
[The two shake hands.]
PANSAC: Thanks for the beer. We'll go double or nothing next time.
JIVE: Alright. Later.
[Jive turns to leave. On his way out, he passes by the other two members of Horrorshow. He briefly nods in their general direction before leaving. Mina Eyre recognizes him and darts towards Jive. Masterson is there to restrain her.]
EYRE: COME BACK HERE, DAMNIT! COME BACK HERE AND SAY MY FUCKING NAME!
[Pansac rolls his eyes, then chuckles.]
PANSAC: He knows, Mina. Jive's a smart guy. He was just trying to get under our skins. I guess with you, at least, he succeeded.
[Knowing he's right, Eyre stops struggling. Cautiously, Wolf lets her go. The Vamp takes a deep breath...]
*THWAP*
WOLF: OWWW!
[...before turning on her heel and broadsiding Masterson across his face.]
EYRE: What the fuck were you doing?! Why didn't you...
PANSAC: ENOUGH!
[Mina quiets immediately, narrowed eyes still burning through Masterson.]
PANSAC: You need to save that energy for the ring. Keep your focus on Rio Paah.
[The Vamp licks her red lips.]
EYRE: You're right, Joe. It's time I had some fresh meat. Fighting those Total Control goons was good fun, but I'm looking forward to settling into the Sirens division.
WOLF: Can't hurt that she's with the Annoyed Samoans either. They're the top of the Trios mountain. Anything we can do to hold over them, so much the better.
[Wolf scoffs.]
WOLF: And they think THEY'RE stereotyped.
[Mina stares on in disbelief.]
EYRE: Are you done?
[Wolf starts to answer, but gets cut off.]
EYRE: No, seriously dipshit, are you done? Are you done making this about what you want? I'm TIRED of your self important...
PANSAC: MINA!
[The Deadman is no longer amused. He walks up to The Vamp and puts a finger in her face.]
PANSAC: This is your shot. You wanted a chance to be Mina Eyre, rather than The Vampire, and I got it for you. You've got a tough test in the ring tonight, and if this is where your focus lies then Gabrielle Rio Paah is going to eat you alive in there.
[Joe thinks about the implications of what he just said.]
PANSAC: Figuratively speaking. She'll beat you pillar to post. You want this one? Show it. Show that focus that can be so deadly when directed properly but is wasted on these petty arguments.
[Mina hangs her head for a moment, then snaps to attention. She turns to the camera, staring daggers at the home audience.]
EYRE: Rio Paah, you've got some skill. You looked decent against that Roller-Ball reject Molly Molotov, but you're about to step into the ring with someone on a whole other level. Ask Eric Quinney and John Blackstock what happens when you cross me.
[A sinister half smile.]
EYRE: So go ahead. Tell us all how you're mistreated because of stereotyping, then use that stupid British accent to mispronounce my name. We all know that's coming, just like we all know the end result waiting in the ring. Your blood will be shed. Your shoulders will be on the mat. You will feel the Kiss of the Vamp, and you will know, just as all of the DCWL will know, that I am THE VAMP, MINA EYRE!
[With that, we cut back to ringside.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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WINNER: Mina Eyre (Standing Moonsault – 11:54)
[Eyre, satisfied she’s fully warmed up the crowd, soaks in the adulation of the audience. RioPaah, meanwhile, is having a nasty argument with the referee over what she considers to be the number three.]
[Into the ring rolls Wolf Masterson, making sure it’s him who raises Mina Eyre’s hand. Joe “Deadman” Pansac follows shortly after, trying to usher them out of the ring. Suddenly, Gabrielle RioPaah has her own back up blocking the aisle. Ozzie Emshamo, Moses Pupulolo and Offramp Alebua charge toward Horrorshow (well, Offramp jogs…) and the two trios begin brawling. The four-on-three numbers advantage favors The Annoyed Samoans, until Joe Pansac finds his trusty weapons cache under the ring!]
[Cue the opening video.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
RM: Live from Bismarck, North Dakota, it’s Show #6: “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank!”
[Go wide to the crowd who have just finished filing in. Cut back to Rich Manning and the ever-stylish Christian Chazz.]
RM: Tonight, we have five new athletes making their DCWL debut! The Great Atma! The Big Nasty! American Freebear! “The Show” Sierra Browne! And… well…
CC: That guy in a cow suit Dan Clear picked up.
RM: Yeah, “Mad Cow…” Also, The Annoyed Samoans and Unique Element will tangle over the Trios Championship in the cage in our main event.
CC: How about the hometown boy? Leon Corella’s been critical of Maurice Thompson recently and Thompson is going to get a chance to settle it in front of his hometown crowd tonight!
RM: Also tonight, unlikely champion Mario Speedwagon defends the Dangerous Championship against the first Dangerous Champion, Derrick L. Ford!
CC: And another of my favourites, Mike Anderson, is going to face off against Max Turbo. I like Turbo too, but his hot streak has gone ice cold and Anderson is building momentum.
RM: Without further ado, let’s take it to the ring. American Freebear has quickly garnered a reputation as one of, if not THE best big man in the business. He’s usually the biggest man in the match, except for—
CC: Yeah, that Nasty Giant he’s going to be in the ring with is eight inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier. And he doesn’t need no stinkin’ entrance music.
RM: It’s American Freebear against The Big Nasty and this match is going to go a long way to impressing DCWL fans. Let’s go down to ring announcer Buckley Luck. Buckley, take it!
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RM: Ert Williams! Ace Stevens! Killa 187! That’s Da Ace Killas!
CC: Yeah, these guys make Dan Clear’s hobos look like winners.
[By now the match between American Freebear and The Big Nasty has ground to a halt as Da Ace Killas fill the ring. Stevens points to his head again. Killa 187 continues to strut around wildly, until Ert Williams smacks him upside the head.]
RM: I guess this means Da Ace Killas are back in the DCWL.
CC: Yeah, but their number one skill is DUMB LUCK! How are they gonna survive? The Annoyed Samoans? Horrorshow? Unique Element? Even the hobos will wrestle circles around these boobs!
[“Pick up the Pieces” by Average White Band abruptly cuts out, replaced by “Shutterbuggin’” by Buck 65.]
[Enter DCWL Deputy Commissioner Kevin “Killdozer” Alloy. He is in an ill-fitting tan suit, a cast on hand, a microphone in the other.]
KA: [monotone] Hey guys good to see you in the DCWL want a match okay Killa and Ert you guys can have a match against The Big Nasty and American Freebear right now Ace you’re not allowed at ringside so you’ll have to leave really great to see you guys back well bye.
[Just as quickly as he arrived, Kevin Alloy makes his exit. Referee Steve Francis is already ejecting manager Ace Stevens from the ring area as Killa 187 and Ert Williams look at the two mountains in front of them with a worried look on their face.]
RM: No love lost between Da Ace Killas and the *former* Men Without Shame.
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Winners – American Freebear and The Big Nasty (Big Nasty: Chokeslam – 14:49)
[Freebear and TBN exchange high fives as they leave the ring. Ert Williams steps back into the ring. He nudges Killa a couple of times with his boot as one would do with roadkill.]
RM: We don’t often have two-on-two tag matches in the DCWL, but that was… kind of one-sided.
CC: Yeah, if the Killas are here to form a trio they’re going to need some serious back-up.
RM: How about American Freebear and The Big Nasty? Both of them looked like real contenders here. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re offered full-time contracts tonight.
CC: Yeah, that’s hands down the most devastating chokeslam I’ve seen, and did you get a load of that Ursine Destroyer? Freebear moves like a cruiserweight!
[Ace Stevens rushes down the aisle with some very fake looking bling in his hand. He wraps it around Killa 187’s neck and Killa begins to revive as “Pick Up The Pieces” begins to play again. He begins to strut around again, and walks into a chokeslam from Ert Williams.]
RM: The only thing more dangerous to Killa 187 that his opponents it his partner.
CC: Oh come on, I want to take a turn beating up Killa. Wonder if I’ve still got Ace Stevens on my Facebook…
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[We hear the rumble of a 426 Hemi sound out as a beautiful, two tone black and gold 1971 Dodge Challenger RT rolls into view, it's obscenely expensive 5 spoke chrome Enkei rims gleaming in the bright lights of the Arena parking lot. Even the windows are semi-translucent gold tint, making it hard to see the driver as it passes by to slip into a convenient parking space nearby. Stepping into view is none other than DCWL's own Dan Clear, his hair gelled into a perfect mold atop his head. With a megawatt smile, he makes the introductions.]
Clear- Dan Clear here, and I believe we just witnessed the arrival of Leon Corella...
[The door to the Challenger opens up, and indeed, Dan's assumption was validated as Corella steps out of the car. He is a bit more plain dressed than usual, sporting a black button down shirt, blue jeans, and a pair of black Nike sneakers. If it weren't for the car and the Platinum Rolex on his wrist, one would think he were just an ordinary guy off the street. Dan approaches quickly as Corella pulls out his duffle bag and quickly shuts the door of his car.]
Clear- Mr. Corella! Could we have a minute of your time?
[Corella stops, shooting Clear a hard stare as he dumps his duffle bag on the ground.]
Corella- Don't you people have anything better to do than troll around backstage and ask asinine questions?
[Clear chuckled a bit, taking the jab in stride.]
Clear- Nope, a good investigator goes where the story is, and my nose says the story is with you. We all saw your strong words for The Native, Maurice Thompson, on the latest edition of DCWL's War of the Words, and The people have to know, what inspired your anger?
[Taking in a deep breath, Corella tilts his head to the side ever so slightly, his jaw set.]
Corella- It wasn't "Clear" enough for you? The man took an opportunity that many would KILL for and pissed it away. How stupid do you have to be, Dan?
[Corella now practically towered over Dan Clear, brow to brow, nearly bending the "investigative journalist" backwards. His nostrils flared as he bore down upon Clear.]
Clear- Well... um... yes... Sorry Mr. Corella. It wasn't my intention to make you repeat yourself...
[A smile broke out on Leon's face, lending that intense scowl a psychotic glaze.]
Corella- Good...
[...he then pulled back from Clear, allowing the man to straighten...]
Corella- ...Because if it's one thing I hate more than anything in this world, is having to repeat myself.
[...Despite the urge to run to the toilet wreaking havoc with Dan's digestive system, he pressed a second question as sweat beaded down his brow.]
Clear- What is your game plan going into the match against Maurice Thompson tonight?
[Corella's smile simply sharpens, giving him an almost shark-like demeanor.]
Corella- Plan? The plan is this, Dan... I'm going to dismember him. Inch by inch, I will break Maurice down until he stops moving. I fully intend to force him to utilize the full extent of DCWL's medical coverage.
[...Dan gulped a bit, fighting down the fear to ask one last question...]
Clear- ...and if he should beat you, and move on to face Beckson?
[Corella moved in close to Clear, dusting off his shoulders before grabbing him up by the collar and bringing the two face to face once more, rage dancing across the larger man's face.]
Clear- OH SHIT!! DON'T KILL ME!!!!
[The rage quickly fades into a friendly smile, Corella dumping Clear on his ass.]
Corella- A long time ago, Dan, I'd have made an example out of you for asking such a question. Doubt is for the weak, and the unskilled. Do I look like either to you?
[Clear shakes his head back and forth quickly.]
Corella- ...Then in the future, I'd make it a habit never to express such doubts in my abilities ever again.
[Corella gathers up his duffle, and steps off camera, Dan watching him leave. Once he's sure Corella's gone, he quickly rises to his feet and lets out a deep sigh of relief. He begins talking to the camera man, seemingly unaware that the camera's of.]
Clear- ...Can you believe the nerve of that asshole? This jacket is Cashmere! It cost me $400 bucks! Worst of all he could have ruined my hair! I should sue his ass and press charges!
Off Camera Voice- ....Dude we're still rolling...
[...Clear looks in on the camera, and blinks. He glares over the camera to the operator.]
Clear- Oh shit... SHUT THE DAMN CAMERA OFF YOU IDIOT!!!
[...Clear reaches over the camera and the scene quickly snaps to black...]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[A man in his early thirties is seen wondering around the backstage are. He is dressed in a black ‘Slayer” t-shirt, blue jeans, and black Army boots. His long hair pulled back into a ponytail. He has a beer bottle in his right hand, occasionally taking a swig from the bottle.]
MAN: Hello? Where is everyone?
[Blaze Crimson spots the man and approaches him.]
BLAZE: Excuse me sir , are you lost?
MAN: I sure am. I don’t know where in the hell I am or where I‘m going. I need to speak to whoever is in charge. Do you know where I can find him?
BLAZE: Who are you looking for exactly?
MAN: I didn’t catch his name. All I know is my agent said to hop on the first plane to Bismarck, North Dakota, show up at the DCWL show, speak to what’s his name and close the deal.
BLAZE: Deal?
MAN: Yes, deal. You know, a contract.
BLAZE: You’re a wrestler?
MAN: Am I a wrestler? AM I A WRESTLER??? Don’t you know who I am honey?
BLAZE: Obviously not.
MAN: I’m Logan Braddock, or you might know me as Sledge. I’ve been in this business for well over a decade. I’ve wrestled in multiple federations all over the globe. I have more gold around my waist that I can remember, or care to. That name doesn’t ring a bell?
[Blaze has a blank look on her face.]
SLEDGE: Really? No clue?
BLAZE: Nope, sorry.
[Sledge’s head drops in disappointment.]
SLEDGE: Man, you really know how to bring a guy down off a buzz.
[He takes another drink.]
SLEDGE: Well, anyway, where do I need to go to cross the ‘T’s and dot the ‘I’s?
[Blaze turns and points.]
BLAZE: Just around…
[Sledge cuts her off.]
SLEDGE: Don’t worry about it. I’ll find it myself.
[Sledge slowly wonders down the hall, head hung low, shoulders drooped.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
RM: No stop to new talent that wants to call the DCWL home—
CC: DUDE! That’s Sledge! He was in the UWAC. He’s a former CEW World Champion! I can’t believe it! Sledge is coming to the DCWL!
[A strange pause.]
RM: I take it you know Mr. Braddock.
CC: Mmm. Kind of.
RM: Well, up next is another debut match. We saw Sierra Browne first when she superkicked Molly Molotov out of her shoes in that Sirens exhibition match back at “Plunderland ‘09” and now they’re going to meet again one-on-one. Let’s go to the ring.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winner – Sierra Browne (The Truth – 16:36)
CC: Man, “The Show” is just non-stop signature moves! Just dealing on Molly Molotov!
RM: After that match it’s easy to see why Sierra Browne is regarded as one of the top female wrestlers active today. Kyle Hayden is looking to bring the best competition in the world for Browne from Shootfire Pro Wrestling and elsewhere. And speaking of worldwide signings, we’re a few minutes away from giving you our first look at Mad Cow and The Great Atma. But first, let’s check in with Blaze Crimson, who is with Derrick L. Ford, who will be challenging for the Dangerous Championship later tonight. Blaze, take it away!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Cut to Blaze Crimson in the back, standing in the Gorilla position.]
BLAZE: Thanks guys. Those of you who caught the latest War of the Words show saw heartfelt words from "The Native" Maurice Thompson, tough dialogue from Mike Anderson and Leon Corella, and the introduction of the American Freebear. What we didn't see, for the first time since the league reopened, was Derrick L. Ford. It's curious enough that Ford didn't have anything to say, but between the return of Henry Spikes and his attempt to be the first two-time Dangerous Champion I find it hard to believe that he would remain silent on the issue. After doing some research...
VOICE: Thanks, Blaze, but I'll take it from here.
[Into the frame steps Derrick L. Ford, dressed to compete and grinning ear to ear. Blaze looks disappointed and shoots a look of disgust at the man who now walks into the frame.]
BLAZE: Well since you've decided to grace us with your presence...
[Ford goes right past the obvious sarcasm.]
FORD: Yes I have, Blaze, and I'm glad to hear that's appreciated. What's going on with Henry and SPW isn't anything I need to get into. Henry can speak for himself on that.
BLAZE: But what about your role in the attack, distracting Kevin Alloy and enabling...
FORD: Enabling what? Alloy to get what was coming to him? To be honest, I HATED that Alloy got attacked in the back. I'd still love to get my hands on that smarmy bastard if I have half a chance. But I'm not going to turn down a chance to put a hurt on JDM, after he cost me the Grand.
BLAZE: And now you face Mario Speedwagon for your second Dangerous Championship.
[Ford laughs, shaking his head.]
FORD: Ah, yes, Mario Speedwagon. You know, I heard he doesn't like Fords. Did you hear about that Blaze?
BLAZE: Yes...
FORD: That's okay, I don't like REO Speedwagon that much either. I don't go for that schmaltzy crap. So I guess that makes us even.
[Ford addresses the camera directly.]
FORD: The question is, though, WHY? Why do you hate Fords so much? Did your poor dog get run over by a Taurus when you were a kid? Did the guy who was dating the slut you drooled over in high school drive a Mustang? Do you simply hate American cars and, by proxy, America?
[Derrick waves a finger.]
FORD: No, I think we've been misunderstanding you the whole time. That knuckledragger dialect you keep spouting off makes it sound like you're saying FORD, when really you're saying "AFFORD." Like, you hate that you can't AFFORD a proper education, or that it sucks that you can't AFFORD anything other than the lowest of the low class hookers. Hell, maybe you even hate that you can't AFFORD a Ford, and get stuck with that stupid Japanese garbage instead.
[Ford is dead serious now.]
FORD: After you face me in that ring, Speedwagon, you're going to hate Fords more than ever before. I'm going to run you over like an F-150. You're not in my league, Mario. You'll never be in the same class as I am. You can't afford it. You will lose, and I will be the first ever two time Dangerous Champion. You are nothing but a Speed-bump to cementing the ERA of DERRICK! L! FORD!
[Ford leaves .]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Cut to in front of the DCWL backdrop, where the scene is much like last show: Dan Clear with a mysterious figure in the background. The mysterious figure, however, happens to be six and a half feet tall and nearly four-hundred pounds.]
CLEAR: On a dark night several years ago in upstate New York, several inmates escaped from an asylum and remain free to this day. One of these patients is Shootfire Pro Wrestling’s “Jester” Chad Allen. But equally as dangerous and equally as—
[The figure steps to the foreground. He is clearly a huge guy in a cow costume.]
MAD COW: Moo.
CLEAR: Equally as dangerous as Chad Allen is Mad Cow, who—
MAD COW: Moo.
CLEAR: Sociopathic and demented—
[Mad Cow steps close to the camera, a big grin on his face.]
MAD COW: Moo!
[He happily clangs the cowbell around his neck.]
CLEAR: This sick and twisted individual—
MAD COW: Moo moo moo!
[Clear loses it.]
CLEAR: LOOK I’M TRYIN’ TO DO A PROFILE ON YA, OKAY?!
MAD COW: Moo?
CLEAR: That tears it. I can’t work under these conditions.
[Clear storms off, while Mad Cow remains in his own world.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Now cut to a bluescreen with a logo reading “The Great Atma” in an Asian-inspired font on it.]
VOICE: [from offstage] You’re on Alton.
[In front of the bluescreen steps The Great Atma, who is pretty clearly Caucasian with short brown hair and paint on his face. He draws his thumb across his throat and awkwardly spits mist into the air. He leaves.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
RM: Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure The Great Atma is Alton West after watching a few too many Japanese wrestling tapes.
CC: I want to change my pick. I think I’m going to pick Mad Cow in this match.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winner – Mad Cow (UDDER Disaster – 9:21)
CC: Oh my god! Great Atma is toast!
RM: A dominating performance from Mad Cow!
CC: Am I crazy? Did Dan Clear find himself a winner?
RM: Maybe the grease paint took some getting used to for “The Great Atma.”
CC: What do they feed these guys in these asylums? Chad Allen and now Mad Cow.
RM: We’re going to backstage to Blaze Crimson again. Blaze, what do you have for us?
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[We pan backstage where the lovely Blaze Crimson stands beside Mike Anderson who is dressed in his wrestling attire. With hands on hips, towel around neck and looking at the ceiling, Blaze gets things rolling.]
Blaze Crimson: Thanks Rich. I’m standing here with one of DCWL’s newest signee’s, Mike Anderson. Mike, you will be facing former Dangerous champion, Max Turbo. What are your thoughts?
[Mike stops looking at the ceiling; he turns to Blaze, then to the camera.]
MA: It’s just like you said Ms. Crimson, former Dangerous champion. If he had that piece of tin tonight, well it would be around this waist at the end of it all. But that isn’t the case anymore is it?
Crimson: Well n…
[Anderson cuts her off.]
MA: That’s right, it isn’t. It’s not because Max turbo is an overrated waste of federation space. People keep telling me I should him some respect. The internet buzzing that Max Turbo is more then just some overrated chump in 80’s attire.
Well tonight I prove them wrong. I don’t have to give anybody respect because with Mike Anderson, you have to earn it. Max Turbo is just another circus clown in my way to becoming the greatest of all time. Once I’m done demolishing him tonight, Mike Anderson will be on to bigger and better things.
Blaze Crimson: But wait, didn’t you call Max out?
MA: Well [smirks] not only are you cute, but a scholar too. I called out Max Turbo. I called him out because I’m sick and tired of nobodies like him trying to get famous by dressing up like an idiot to deflect the attention off his then capable wrestling skill. Well tonight I expose him for the fraud that he is. Now if you’ll excuse me, I believe I hear my music playing.
[Mike Anderson walks off as Crimson watches him leave with a perplexed look on her face.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Winner – Mike Anderson (Memphis Classic – 13:40)
RM: And Mike Anderson just keeps rolling in the DCWL!
CC: Yeah, Mike Anderson is just so meticulous and prepared, and Max Turbo is just so scattershot. But definitely a tougher challenge than Caleb Brantseg.
RM: And Max Turbo is hitting a big time cold streak here. Did he seem a little off to you?
CC: Definitely. Something’s on Max Turbo’s mind, I think.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[We open directly to the upper body of, “The Native” Maurice Thompson in the backstage area in his hometown of Bismarck, North Dakota inside of the very place he came regularly to watch independent shows a few years ago; the Schaumberg Arena. Our few pans outward to show Jessica and Hakeem Thompson, Maurice’s parents standing proudly in front of their son.]
[Maurice is wearing a black. “Vision Quest Gym” shirt along with the rest of his attire. His father Hakeem is wearing a white Polo, that contrasts nicely with his dark skin. Along with the polo he wears tan slacks. His mother Jessica wears a yellow top and blue jeans. Both have smiles on their faces, knowing they have the opportunity to see their son wrestle live for the first time in his seventh career match. Their eighteen year old only child has only begun his career, yet he has already shown promise pinning the likes of Denis Cyr and his opponent tonight Leon Corella.]
[Corella has laid down harsh verbal rhetoric since Maurice came up a little short against Julian Beckson. Thanks to one of his mentors, “Storm Warrior” Michael Navarro Thompson has refocused, promising Leon Corella will not defeat him. Which makes this night in Bismarck, all that more compelling.]
Maurice: I’m glad you two could make it, I know you’re both busy.
Jessica: We’re proud of you Maurice, all your hard work is paying off for you.
Hakeem: I personally want to see you beat that Beckson guy…
[A silence falls over the multiracial family, as the feeling is definitely mutual between them. None of them respect the man that is Julian Beckson. The silence is broken by the matriarch of the family.]
Jessica: I’m sure that time will come, until then you have to worry about what is in front of you son.
Maurice: I know mom, it’s a big night tonight.
Hakeem: You should go finish preparing…We can go to our seats.
Maurice: Alright, I’ll see the two of you after the show.
[Maurice hugs his mom before hugging his dad as well. The two walk off the screen as the screen fades on Maurice’s face.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[A new song, unknown to the DCWL audience blasts through the arena.]
RM: Who’s this now?
CC: Why does everyone have their theme music cued up instantly, anyway?
RM: Say, this theme sounds familiar…
[From the back, a well known international wrestler and businessman comes into sight wearing a light blue collar shirt along with black dress pants and shoes. The crowd immediately erupts seeing…]
RM: Whoa! Marcus Davis! He’s the owner of SOW!
CC: He’s not just that, Rich. He’s still active in NJWF.
[“The Dream” Marcus Davis has a grin on his face as he slowly makes his way to the ring, taking time to shake hands with some ecstatic fans at ringside. Finally, Davis walks up the steel steps before making his way into the ring. He jogs across the ring and jumps up to the middle turnbuckle with ease, posing to the crowd.]
RM: “The Dream” Marcus Davis is a big player in the Shootfire Family.
CC: I’m a little nervous whenever Shootfire comes calling.
RM: Let’s hear what he has to say first, Chazz. Henry Spikes is absent tonight, so I wouldn’t be paranoid about Shootfire Pro.
[Davis jumps down; he quickly grabs a microphone from an assistant outside of the ring. Marcus makes his way to the middle of the ring before raising the microphone to his lips, a huge grin on his face.]
Davis: I won’t take too much time…I won’t bother introducing myself…I won’t list all of my accomplishments…I won’t refuse to show up in the DCWL because I feel it’s beneath me….
_I_
[Davis pauses briefly the grin continuing to linger on his face.]
Davis: I am here to say that there will be a long working relationship between the DCWL and SOW…I am here to begin a transformation of wrestling in America…I am here to make a challenge.
CC: What did I tell you?
RM: Oh, this is hardly beating up DCWL management. But what kind of challenge does Marcus Davis have?
[Davis walks over to the ropes.]
Davis: I challenge any DCWL wrestler from the past or on the roster today to face me at Death of a Ladies Man. I will give you forty-eight hours to accept my challenge, as I am more than willing to step in the ring against anyone.
[The music plays once more as Davis hands the microphone back to Buckley Luck on the outside. He follows by stepping outside of the ring.]
CC: How about that? The SOW rep wants to take us on in the ring rather than send a bunch of goons down to wreak havoc on us for no reason! Who’d a thunk it?
RM: [muttering] Chazz… Ikes-spay…
CC: I mean I love whenever we see the Shootfire Family in the DCWL!
RM: Well fans, up next is the first of two title matches here tonight, and Blaze Crimson has caught up with Mario Speedwagon. Let’s hear from the champ.
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Onscreen caption: “JULY 7, 2007.”]
[The stench of a grease and sweat cocktail permeates the air, as shadows engulf the dingy auto shop we find ourselves in. The establishment practically seems deserted, apart from the two legs lightly squirming underneath an elevated Ford Focus. After an unsatisfied grunt fills the shop, the mechanic slides himself out from underneath the vehicle, and sits up, muttering to himself.]
"Fuckin' Fords. Damn it, I remember when a Ford was like a fuckin' tank. Now, it's just these fruity pieces of shit."
[Turning his head, the mechanic finally notices the visitor in his shop. Slowly rising to his feet with a groan, and wiping his hands on the legs of his coveralls, he offers a hand to the person behind the camera.]
"You must be from the DCWL, eh? The name's Mario Spinnocini. Inside the ring, they call me Mario Speedwagon. But you? You can call me Sir."
[And abruptly cut to a series of Mario Speedwagon match highlights, most of which involve him getting beaten up quite badly. And ending with Mario Speedwagon pinning Max Turbo at “Plunderland ‘09” and holding aloft the DCWL Dangerous Championship.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
[Cut backstage where Blaze Crimson is much as she was before, this time beside Mario Speedwagon. The greasy mechanic is in his dingy blue coveralls, and he sports the DCWL Dangerous Championship belt over his shoulder.]
BC: Mr. Speedwagon, at “Plunderland ‘09” you shocked the world and became one of the least likely champions in DCWL history. And tonight you have an opportunity to come full circle when you take on Derrick L. FORD in a Dangerous Championship defense. Any thoughts on taking on Mr. FORD?
[Speedwagon mulls this over.]
MS: Not really. Just gonna try and counter his moves and outwrestle him.
[Crimson is clearly not enamoured with that response.]
BC: Yeah, but… don’t you hate Fords?
MS: Oh, I used to, but that was mostly transmission related. They actually fixed that in most of the ’08 models. See, they installed a new—
BC: OH, CHRIST ON A CRACKER!!!
RM: [off-screen] Whoa.
BC: We’ve been waiting for two years to pay off your ‘I hate Fords’ shtick on Derrick Ford and you damn well WHIFF on it! You effing LOSER! What is WRONG WITH YOU?!
MS: [sheepish] Well, I’m sorry…
BC: Oh, you’re sorry. Oh, that makes everything better. I swear to god, the next one of you testosterone-drenched losers with Asperger Syndrome even looks at me funny, I’m shoving this microphone down your throat and pulling it out your—
[A very awkward cut-away.]
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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Mario Speedwagon – Dangerous Champion (defense x1) (Time Limit Draw – 15:00)
RM: Well, it was bound to happen at some point. Speedwagon was able to hold off Derrick L. Ford’s offense long enough to go to the bell, and the champion retains!
CC: Mario basically had to withstand Derrick Ford. He wasn’t exactly acting as the aggressor in that match-up.
RM: A very good point, Chazz. In most matches you want to mix the right amount of wrestling and counter wrestling, but with that fifteen minute time limit—hey, wait a minute!
[A third man has jumped the rails. He is wearing a bright yellow T-shirt with “YOUR ULTIMATE QUESTION” written on the front. He grabs a chair on the way to rolling into the ring and takes a wild swing. Derrick Ford quickly ducks out of the way and out the ring. The intruder takes another swing, this time at the leg of Mario Speedwagon.]
CC: Izzat?
RM: That’s Doug Foster! He’s from SOW as well! What is “The Question” doing here, and why is he attacking Mario Speedwagon?
[Foster grabs either side of the chair in his hands and jabs it over and over into the unprotected ribs of the Dangerous Champion.]
CC: Oh, not cool! Mario can’t even defend himself here!
RM: Doug Foster just pulverizing the insides of Mario Speedwagon, and now he locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.
[Not just any Texas Cloverleaf, but an elevated cloverleaf. Foster leans back and jams his knee into the back of Speedwagon’s head.]
RM: Doug Foster with The Solution on Speedwagon. Someone’s got to put a stop to this!
CC: Man, you can’t trust anyone any more! This Shootfire deal is more trouble than it’s worth!
[Speedwagon howls in agony as the foursome of referees storm the ring. They try their usual pacifist methods to pull The Question off the champion, with no success.]
RM: Oh, here comes the Deputy Commissioner.
CC: He’s got a busted hand from the last time we were invaded!
[The hulking presence of Kevin Alloy seems to be enough for Doug Foster to release The Solution. “Killdozer” Alloy and two of the referees escort Foster from the ring, while the other two begin to assist Speedwagon to the back.]
CC: I say again, what has this Shootfire deal done for us? AJ Black invests a bunch of ponzi funds into us and then splits and leaves us holding the bag!
RM: Chazz, are you cynical about everything?
CC: Hey, the internet told me so.
RM: Fans, we’re going to carry on here. Two of the most notable people to make names for themselves in the DCWL have been Leon Corella, the veteran, and Maurice Thompson, the rookie. And since joining the DCWL, the only blemish on Leon Corella’s record was a loss in the Grand Championship Qualifier back at Citation Needed last month, and he’s looking to avenge that loss tonight.
CC: Yeah, but he’s got to do it in front of Thompson’s home town crowd, and you can’t convince me that Corella’s going to be able to take them out of the match. I like Leon Corella; I like the way he operates, but if he thinks he’s going to have an easy victory tonight, Maurice Thompson will prove him wrong.
RM: Let’s hand it over to Buckley Luck for the introductions. Buckley!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
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WINNER: Leon Corella (Running Lion Slam – 17:45)
CC: Man, what DIDN’T Leon Corella have to bust out to put this kid away?
[Corella poses for the crowd once more before making his exit gingerly out of the ring. Thompson begins to stir on the mat.]
RM: Leon Corella avenges that one loss he suffered and he does so in style.
CC: Yeah, that Lion Slam is a thing of beautiful brutality. I’m thinking the sky’s the limit for Corella.
[Corella has exited through the curtain and “House of the Rising Son” fades away. Thompson stands up in the middle of the ring. The entire arena rises to their feet, cheering for the hometown boy. Thompson looks around at the crowd. He hops down from the canvas to the floor and begins interacting with the crowd around ringside.]
RM: Well, tonight was not the night for Maurice Thompson.
CC: Unfortunately for him, Leon Corella was just that little bit stronger, a lot more seasoned... But that was a hell of a match for both gentlemen. I’m happy for them both, Rich.
RM: And you have to think that this isn’t going to be last time Maurice Thompson will wrestle in front of his hometown crowd, Chazz.
CC: Absolutely, Rich. When I was in the ring, whether you won or lost, after the match you only cared about when you would be getting back in there again.
RM: Well, fans, it’s main event time and we’re going to see the Annoyed Samoans but their Trios Championship on the line against a team that has been chasing them for the last couple of months. Unique Element has been faced with countout victories and tough losses ever since they stepped foot in the DCWL, but it all comes to a head inside that fifteen-or-so foot high steel cage.
CC: WHOA. When did that appear around the ring?
RM: The benefits of having good production values, Chazz.
CC: Oh.
RM: In this match, there is no escaping the cage. The only way to win is to pin one of your opponents or to make them submit. There must be a winner in this match, and we’re going to find out, right now!
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
~~~D~C~W~L~~~
*SPOILERS AHOY!*
*SPOILERS AHOY!*
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*SPOILERS AHOY!*
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*SPOILERS AHOY!*
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*SPOILERS AHOY!*
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*SPOILERS AHOY!*
*SPOILERS AHOY!*
*SPOILERS AHOY!*
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*SPOILERS AHOY!*
*SPOILERS AHOY!*
NEW TRIO CHAMPIONS: Unique Element (D. Gunderson d. M. Pupulolo: Don’t Think Just Tap – match stopped at 3:38)
CC: Friggin’ OUCH!
RM: The referee stopped the match!
[Moses Pupulolo rolls around on the match, clutching his leg. The ref hands the three Trios Championship belts to Lindsay, Wilson and Gunderson, who climb the cage and show them off to the crowd.]
RM: Danny Gunderson applied that rolling ankle lock on Moses of the Annoyed Samoans out of nowhere!
CC: Oh, man, he NAILED it. That’s got to be a torn ligament in Pupulolo’s leg.
RM: The referee sops the match and we have new champions!
[Ozzie and Offramp silently look at each other. Ozzie mouths the word “spaghetti” and Ozzie just sighs and slumps.]
RM: Congratulations to the new Trios Champions, Unique Element! We’ll be back with “Death of a Ladies’ Man,” fans, where we’ll see Julian Beckson’s first Grand Championship defence, and Marcus Davis’ challenge to the DCWL. For Blaze Crimson, Dan Clear and Christian Chazz, I’m Rich Manning! We’ll see you in Thunder Bay in November for “Death of a Ladies Man!”
[One last shot of Unique Element holding the Trios Championship belts.]
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